Saturday, February 02, 2013
Here’s an assessment of my January goals:
Stay within my calorie range 29 out of 31 days in January (all except New Years Day and my birthday -- 2 streaks of 14 and 15 days each): I achieved the first half of the goal, but everything fell apart after my birthday. Badly. Went over calories by mammoth amounts.
Track my weight and measurements every Saturday: Check (or at least recorded my weight). And saw a 3 pound weight loss during the first two weeks followed by regaining the weight I lost during the first 2 weeks and then some.
Do Cardio 4 days a week (elliptical, walking and running) and ST 3 days a week (resistance bands and weights): Wow, this one was a surprise. When I started writing this, I was planning to write, “I wasn’t perfect but, I came close.” Not true! I didn’t hit my cardio goals once, and while I did better with the ST (which is mostly my PT exercises), I still only hit the goal once week out of four.
Monitoring my stress level daily in a short blog and using alternative methods for reducing stress (meditation, deep breathing, visualization, music): Here is where I really fell down. I didn’t blog daily, I didn’t monitor my stress…or rather I watched it go sky high and did not do anything, not alternative methods of reducing it, nothing…
I think that’s pretty much an F.
It was a tough month. Work was stressful and busy, but it was a creative stress, and while it played a part in making it difficult to work out regularly, it wasn’t the source of my emotional stress.
The real problem was that after my birthday I let myself be lured back into a bad and unhealthy relationship with my former SO. It had to do with my desire to take care of him (he was really sick) and nostalgia for the good things in the relationship. I was still struggling with the breakup but doing ok, until he caught me at a vulnerable time and I re-engaged. Not a good idea, and of course the bad things that broke us up in the first place happened again. I tried to maintain my balance but I couldn’t. I knew I was stressing out, but I couldn’t face it. So no blogs, no alternative methods of reducing stress. In the end I recognized that I can’t live like that and ended it. Again.
I want to take care of myself and create a life where I am surrounded by positive influences.
I stumble and fall but I am determined to get back on track and achieve my goals. Not just to lose weight and be healthier but to be happy, to be a positive influence in the world, to share my life with friends who want the things I want.
I don’t know why I have to repeat my mistakes… maybe I haven’t learned the lesson yet that I need to put myself first. Or maybe it’s just wishful thinking – it will work out this time, we’ve both grown and learned. Maybe it's a combination of the two. Either way, I am self-correcting and I am moving forward.
This weekend I am going to think about February goals. I'm struggling with this. I want to be ambitious and challenge myself but at the same time, I want to be realistic. I’m having a hard time finding that balance...but I feel like I'm in a better place now and more likely to find it.
Today I went walking with my good friend Lyssa. We saw two eagles, and then went to yoga. Really wonderful…
Wishing everyone peace and health and happiness!