Saturday, February 02, 2013
I finally announced to my boss at work that I was not going to eat any more sweets. I mean work is my last and final hold out for these desirable delights of the flesh. I mean if a co-worker brings in candy, cake, cupcakes, donuts, cookies... which happens on a regular basis, I usually use the moment as an excuse to fudge on my diet. Well, I decided I can no longer partake in even the smallest temptation. I mean I am an ADDICT!! I long for that highly refined sugar and concentrated fats only found in these desserts and snacks. They delight my flesh, they call to me, beckon me, promise me a good time only to deliver death. But I still want them. I won't lie to you, I still WANT them!! I am literally addicted but when I eat them there is no satisfaction from it. Only a desire for MORE. I have to quit. I mean for the sake of my health now, my future health, any chance I have at losing the rest of the weight I intend on losing and maintaining it for the rest of my life I KNOW I HAVE to quit the SWEETS roller coaster.
An example of my addiction is that yesterday one of my co-workers came up and told my boss that on the 13th of this month someone's birthday is coming up. Well.... guess what that means! cake! Perhaps Pizza! and who knows what else... It is 12 days from now and I began to think about, I mean start to CRAVE cake with frosting and think about how delicious that is going to taste... and at the same time feel a sense of panic because my new years resolution was to not eat sweets. .. Well, my mind began to rationalize... I mean it would almost be RUDE of me not to accept Birthday cake?? wouldn't it??? I can't be RUDE.... My mind is starting to rationalize why I do need to eat the cake. My mind is also starting to think about how wonderful licking the thick frosty icing off the top of the cake would feel and taste in my mouth and how a little bitty piece of cake won't really hurt me and how I really should be able to celebrate along with everyone else in the office and .... You get the picture??? The ADDICTED mind! The sickness, the disease, the slavery to sin, the sinful nature inside of me rising up to attempt to take control. The battle begins.
I really really really need HELP!!! I need the fruit of the Spirit - SELF CONTROL! Will power will not be enough. My flesh is WEAK! I know my flesh is weak!
That's why I announced today to my boss about not eating any more sweets. It will give me my way out. I mean I am sorry but I can't have any, my new years resolution was no more sweets.
But... I still want some CAKE. I hope some day I just won't want any cake. I can't imagine that day but with Christ all things are possible and I have Him in me so nothing is impossible. I mean I don't really crave drugs or cigarettes any more. I mean I really don't think about them at all. So can it happen with sweets? I am waiting for that day.