I'm in a procrastination mood today.
I slept in (needed it).
I ate breakfast, changed into my running gear, and then sat around for the next two hours reading stupid stuff online. Half that time, I was wearing nothing more than tights, a sports bra and my chest strap, because I couldn't be bothered to actually put on a shirt.
Eventually, around noon, I got my butt out the door and enjoyed the gorgeous weather. That's one run off the to-do list for the weekend.
I came back home, ate some lunch, and started my laundry. And that's when I decided I wanted a chocolate bar. I wanted a treat of some sort, anyway. I wasn't sure what it was (first clue that it's not a 'good' food craving), but I wanted that little bit of rebellion. I'm over my calorie burn goal for the week, my body weight is reacting to my increased workouts, and I want chocolate *whine*.
So, I procrastinated. I called my mom and chatted with her about how training was going. I chewed some gum after. I told myself I couldn't go down to the store because I'm wearing shorts and my legs are stubbly and my hair is still gross from my run because I don't want to shower until I get my yoga in, and I can't start my yoga until I start my second load of laundry and have a full free hour between loads. And I sat like this for half an hour, not wanting to get off my ass for the yoga I promised myself, but not wanting to give up and go downstairs looking like an extra in a bad trailer park movie, either.
And the craving started to let go. It's kind of like a cramp, isn't it? When it hits, it feels like there's never going to be any relief, but eventually it starts to ease off. I reminded myself that I'm not just eating this way for the hell of it - that there are practical reasons for me not to devote all my dinner calories to an empty chocolate bar or bad ice cream or a bag of doritos that's only going to make me retain more water. I reminded myself that we have a market date planned for tomorrow to go restock the freggies and indulge in a post-long-run lunch out and maybe a good quality treat. And finally, I reminded myself that a little over a week ago, I promised that I'd be a treat snob, and that rare treats deserved to be better than candy that had been sitting on the shelf of a downtown convenience store for months. That did it.
It annoys me that this instinct is still there and that I still have to fight it. It seems to kick in after about a week of cleaning up my act, when I feel like I deserve something. The problem is that it's not something I really want. It's empty crap that I don't need. So, why is it so hard to shake it off? I don't know, but I do know that the only way to wean myself off of it is to fight and say 'no' (whether it's difficult or not) until it fades away. To separate the good quality, legitimate treats from the filler crap that my brain thinks it wants.
Anyway, that's over and done with today. I'm still procrastinating by writing this, so...
- Switch laundry loads
- Make planned dinner (a tasty veggie omelette, NOT a chocolate bar)
- Clean the kitchen
- Get final laundry load
- Have a nice relaxing bath
- Relax and watch hockey
- Go to bed so that I'm not quite so zombie-like for tomorrow's long run in the morning
See? Easy stuff.
(except when it's not)
What I could have had for dinner for 470 calories:
What I actually had for dinner for 352 calories:
And yes, I got my yoga in too