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An opportunity that would push me wayyyy out of my comfort zone


Saturday, February 02, 2013

I don't like crowds. I'm scared of people almost to the point where I'm pretty sure I'm close to anxiety attacks. Trips to the grocery store with a cart load of food and someone who comes in behind me to wait in line freak me out. I'm worried they're judging me, judging my cart load of food and thinking "no wonder she's fat" and I wanna scream "this isn't all for me!! I'm feeding 5 people!!" but I don't.. I just stand there embarrassed of myself.

Yesterday I was informed of an opportunity to share my weight loss story as I struggle through it. It would be through possibly a documentary but also through a magazine. Anyway I won't give out details yet.

This opportunity will require a video diary that i will have to do a minimum of twice a week. Plus a food journal (which is no big deal because I track everything here and it's open for scrutiny) But if I make bad choices or overeat in a day I have to be real with why I did it. It will basically pick a part my life - my life as a child/teenager, to where I started to gain weight and why , to why I kept overeating through all these years - you name it it'll be under a microscope. It might require speeches to large groups of people struggling to lose weight - remember line ups freak me out-.

It could be an amazing opportunity to show women how very real it is but also that I struggled but eventually reached my goal ( I WILL reach my goal this time.. I refuse to back out) but it feels like it would be an immense amount of pressure and I don't like being in a spotlight ever. I'm very shy and I think having to speak in front of people would cause a panic attack. I'm also not comfortable with the idea of video diaries. I don't video blog on here for a reason.

I have a month to decide if this is something I want to do or not and i really just don't know. The whole thing terrifies me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
GYPSYW0LF 2/3/2013 10:12PM

    That's a very interesting opportunity that you have. It could be a very positive thing for yourself. I find for some reason when I have someone watching I hold myself more accountable..which is a good thing for me.

Good luck on your journey and whatever decision you make on the journaling

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GYPSYW0LF 2/3/2013 10:11PM

    That's a very interesting opportunity that you have. It could be a very positive thing for yourself. I find for some reason when I have someone watching I hold myself more accountable..which is a good thing for me.

Good luck on your journey and whatever decision you make on the journaling

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RUNNERRACHEL 2/3/2013 4:12AM

    That is amazing. It could be very therapeutic. Whatever you decide keep an open mind. This might help you get out and help others and yourself in the process.

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KARIDIAN1 2/2/2013 9:23PM

    Wow- amazing opportunity. I can understand the concerns, but the possibilities could mean so much not only for you, but for those that you reach with your story. I work in a grocery store, so being with people in that situation is something that I don't even think about. Speaking in public can be nerve wracking, but is an excellent way to gain confidence and poise once you get over the jitters. Believe me, I once felt the same way, but I did it, and now speaking in public situations is not as intimidating as it once was.

You have month, so no decision needs to be made overnight. Think on it, discuss this with your fiance. Practice speaking in front of a mirror, or with your family. Do pretend video blogs, or if you can use a video camera and just tape yourself doing a blog and watch it and critique yourself. You may find that you get more comfortable with the idea of doing the blogs and speaking in front of others.

You have the time, so try exploring this before you make a decision too soon.

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ALICIAYOUNG1127 2/2/2013 6:18PM

    I suffer the same thing in the grocery store...and hate lots of people

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