Saturday, February 02, 2013
I started back to the gym on Wednesday, feeling a bit fatigued after being down with my migraine for so long. I sure felt the sore muscles after leaving there. I went back again Thursday night and Friday, although Friday my best friend wanted to leave before I was truly done with my workout, but I was able to get an entire hour in. All in all I feel like I have had a good workout week, after doing 50 minutes of cardio today.
I struggled a whole lot with my emotions this week, finding myself suffering from extreme anxiety half of the week. I found out my brother's daughter was beaten up really bad by the father of her 7 month old son, this sent me on a journey of HORRIBLE memories, tears and emotional struggle. Even as I type this my stomach is in knots! A couple of times I wanted to go to the fridge, eat until I felt some ease, then deal with the feelings of sabotaging myself later. I DIDN'T !!! I can't tell you how much of a victory this is for me, because for 30 of my 40 years I have turned to food to help fill that ache inside of me.
I'm not saying that I won't fail from time to time, but I can see such a new strength I've not had before. I have to give credit to my best friend for part of this, she seems to know when I'm at an emotional low and is right there to encourage me, listen or just sit quietly holding my hand through the tears. I've never had that before, partly because of my own lack of trust, but it's all new to have someone that is willing to stay even as broken as I can be at times.
I tend to push people away when I'm feeling vulnerable, finding it easier to withdrawal than to trust. It's something I've done for as long as I can remember, and I really don't know any other way to deal with the pain. I'm trying hard to overcome this, but it is truly a moment by moment struggle. Well that about sums up my week in a nutshell... :)