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    CRAZY_KAT_1984   28,357
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Like no Grief Before

Saturday, February 02, 2013

Its February already?! Where has the time gone?
I've never really felt like I was "in mourning" before. Sure, many people in my life have died-friends, classmates, family. I went to a Catholic school, so any time a member of the student body died, we had a funeral at school. Cheery, huh? While I was close to some of those, I was so depressed in those years that I was more thinking that I should be dead instead of them. Now, I may have mentioned in previous blogs about my uncle who was too young to have been diagnosed with colon cancer early enough to survive. He had been on a very steep downward slope for the last month. His last round of chemo almost killed him. So, he was out of options and off chemo. We had a "Celebration of Life" party for him. It was like a going away party. All the people that knew him in his life were there, telling stories of his past. We had plenty of cards for everyone to write memories of him, arranged in an album. He was yellow from liver failure the whole time but seemed to enjoy himself. A week later, my dad called me to tell me my uncle was on his way out, not expected to live 2 days. Our family had over a year to prepare, so all the arrangements had been made. I still couldn't even believe this happened. He lived 12 more days before he died. Its been the hardest loss I've ever dealt with. He was a big part of my life, being my mom's youngest brother. He lived in the same small town his entire life, and I never went more than a month without seeing him. I skipped the visitation because I knew the funeral would be hard enough, but I had no idea how much I would cry! I couldn't help it, it must have been nearly 2 hours straight. It was hardest on his brother, I think. They were so close that they would talk for hours every day, on the phone and in person both. Its been so rough for me, though, and I am doing pretty well in not turning to food for comfort. As for alcohol, though, I would've been drinking more if I hadn't had strep all week. Or if I could afford it. All I can say is that I've been enduring, no more, no less. I guess I can hope that the grief suppresses my appetite. Anyway, that's how things have been going for me. In case any of my SparkFriend were feeling neglected or wondering why I haven't been as active on my SparkTeams lately. I'm working back up to it.

As for my goals, I've exceeded my weight-loss goals for January and am very proud of myself! I'm pretty sure I lost at least 4 pounds, double my goal of 2! As for my other goals, I don't even care. They're just icing on the cake. I met a few but not others. My most important one is always the weight-loss. It feels great to have met it for once! My highly active job is surely to thank for much of that, since I've been burning between 4 & 5K calories a week and walking 20 miles weekly. And thank you to my wonderful FitBit tracking all these things for me!!! Surely they would have gone untracked otherwise. Onward and upward to a new month emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GMO_JEN 2/2/2013 9:30PM

    I am so sorry for you and your families loss.

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ANGRITTER 2/2/2013 6:44PM

    I am so sorry that this loss has been very hard for you and I can totally relate. I just lost lost my father's uncle to a horrid stroke that took him just 2 days after his first small stroke. He is my favorite uncle and I miss him terribly and reading this just brought it all back to me in such clarity. I grieved for him the way I grieved for my fallen dogs, which I prefer to people almost ANY day. Donald's death, to me, was a fiercely physical pain as well as emotionally intrusive.

So I feel ya, sister! And I don't want to be in your shoes at all. I know the dragging feeling this has to have on you, and I am thankful for your busy job as it must keep you occupied for long enough for it to be bearable.

And please know that if you ever need to reach out, I am a SparkMail away. I can listen, talk, cry, support you, and honey I am sure I can make you laugh (I merely list the injuries I have caused myself throughout the day... and the STOOPID ways I get injured. Yes that is spelled incorrectly on purpose as they are simple things that go wrong for me. Like I should be in a video called "When Bread Ties Go Bad"!). So if you ever need any of those things, remember who your SparkFriends are. We are here for you, so reach out and slap us and we will be there!

My hugs, love, and deepest sympathies for you. Ang

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FRAN0426 2/2/2013 6:09PM

    So sorry for the loss of your uncle; even when we have time to prepare of someones untimely death----it is still taken very hard.
Good job on controling the overeating during this time, and glad you dinn't turn to drinking---as we all have to come to grips with such a loss.

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1STATEOFDENIAL 2/2/2013 5:52PM

    Getting strep might have been a blessing in disguise. Trying to stop or slow our grief by overeating, drinking alcohol, or avoiding it hurts us a lot. We must face our grief and feel it to get through it; avoiding it cause it to last much longer and can eat us away from the inside out. For some, this means crying, screaming, and breaking down; for others this means remembering who was lost and imagining what the future will be. Whatever way you feel grief is right for you.

Losing anyone we care about sucks. It just plain sucks. Those who are left behind are left to pick up the pieces, but we are only able to accept (doesn't mean like or enjoy, just we know we can't change it) the loss and move forward when we've grieved the loss. My condolences.

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JUSTME29 2/2/2013 4:55PM

    I'm so sorry for you loss. Having time to prepare doesn't do anything to take away from the grief - I know that from experience. I'm glad you have such good memories of him, but I truly am sorry.

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STAY39 2/2/2013 3:49PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LADYPYE 2/2/2013 3:13PM

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BARCLE 2/2/2013 3:11PM

    emoticon I'm so sorry you're going through this too. My brother in law died yesterday and it's just so so hard to deal with. You have my comforting best wishes too emoticon

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NITTINNANA 2/2/2013 3:05PM

    SO sad with and for you right now!
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