A lot on my mind
Saturday, February 02, 2013
Since my last blog, I have found out that the doctors are finally going to listen to me and give me what I have wanted for years. A hysterectomy. I usually have very painful periods and am really tired of dealing with them. It was a blessing moving to Colorado because the doctors in Ohio all wanted to keep experimenting on me with every way possible besides solving the problem directly resulting in me to continue in pain. Now I'm just scared. Not of the procedure because I trust the doctors that will be working on me. I'm just afraid of not waking up to see my boys another day. Not being to see them grow up and have children of their own. Not being a part of their lives ever again. That's what scaring me. When I have had surgeries in the past, I didn't have very long to wait before them so my mind didn't really think too much. Right now I have a little less than 4 weeks to wait. My surgery is on February 28th. I have to be at the hospital at 9am. My boyfriend, David, keeps reassuring me that everything will be fine but there's a little voice inside my head that's still talking saying, "what if?" I'm looking positive at the whole situation but just have this one little bit of fear. I believe it is normal or at least I hope it is. I will continue to write and see if I can work through it.