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Argh! My life - the good, the bad, the ugly

Saturday, February 02, 2013

Howdy SparkFriends. emoticon Can I lean on you for just a mo'? I'm having a hormonal blah zomg day and y'all are usually pretty good at offering perspective. :)

First, the good: I am SO on top of my diet and exercise right now! Apart from the mug of hot chocolate that I am drinking right now (hormones - it happens) I have been a clean-eating monster! I discovered local grass-fed Scottish Highland beef at the farmer's market and invested ($20 - woo!) in a slow cooker so I can make awesome meat + veggie meals with cheaper cuts and little effort. I love the slow cooker oh-so-much! And I've been great about getting in my 10,000 steps and cranking out the odd workout here and there. My weight is slowly creeping back down to my happy point, so that is awesome. And I'm going to Jamaica over spring break as part of a class I'm taking, which is even more awesome and is something to look forward to. (Though, it is a self-funded class trip, and if my application for funding doesn't go through I'm going to be eating naught but cabbage and chicken thighs for the next few months while I save up the money to pay off the bill)

The bad: Sedentary grad school HELL. The end of last semester I developed a cyst-type issue in a sensitive spot, most likely from sitting too much on uncomfortable chairs (plus getting cranky and eating some glutenous things that I really shouldn't have done). I got to spend a few hours hanging out in the ER right before driving 250 miles to go home for Christmas, and I've been fighting to get the blasted thing to heal ever since. Thank goodness the docs and nurses at the student health center are so fantastic, because I've been visiting them 2-3x a week since the beginning of January. I've got a meeting with a surgeon scheduled in a couple of weeks. I frigging hate this and I'm pretty sure it's affecting my outlook on every other aspect of my life right now. But it has been motivation to keep my diet extra-clean, so I guess that's something? But yeah. Major bad.

And the ugly...also sedentary grad school hell. I'm seriously questioning my sanity in giving up a real job with a real salary and real benefits that actually had me on my feet most of the day, doing things that actually matter in the real world, to come back to school and spend all my time sitting on my butt doing academic research that is a) extremely cool, but b) completely esoteric. Having the degree will pay off in the long run but five years is SUCH a long time to get there! I'm older than some of the postdocs in my lab but since I'm a student in a college town I get treated like an incompetent 18 year old, and I have the hardest time relating to the kids in my program. I know grad school is hell for everyone but I didn't think it would be this isolating! Having your own project is cool in theory but I really miss the social side of working towards a common goal when you work in industry. I so wish there was a way to fast forward past school to the more interesting jobs that I'll be able to have when I get through it. All the really fun science jobs require a PhD but the process of getting there is so arcane, slow, lonely, and frustrating!

I'm obviously not going to make any major life decisions while I'm hormonal and unhealthy but I am wondering whether it's worth it to slog on through rather than just saying the hell with it and sticking with whatever career path I can follow with a M.S. degree.

Well, happy is as happy does so I just keep trying to keep a positive outlook. My birthday is coming up in a week and a couple of days, so that's something to look forward to. And I do have nummy, yummy, healthy foods in my fridge, and a big ol' park with wildlife and horses that I'm off to take a walk through.

All comments appreciated, though. Healthy habits aside, all this stress is driving me bonkers! emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHAOSTHEORY635 2/4/2013 11:20AM

    Yeah, grad school is hell. At this point I don't know if I'd be finishing if I weren't already so far along :/
DO SOMETHING OUTSIDE THE LAB. It will keep you sane. Make time for it.

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-LINDA_S 2/2/2013 7:19PM

    Enjoy Jamaica and BREATHE!

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GIANTMICROBE 2/2/2013 3:12PM

    Now I'm scared of grad school emoticon

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