Saturday, February 02, 2013
1.The reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way.
2.The general desire or willingness of someone to do something.
I have always regarded myself as being the one to motivate. The one to help others get moving and on the right track to reaching their goals in life. Yet today, I don't feel it. Today I have this weight that just won't be lifted from within and I can't shake it. I can't even ignore it. For it is holding me down and keeping me there.
I read at the bottom of one of my Spark emails this quote today:
"SparkPeople editor Stepfanie says:
Research has shown that every emotion has a lifespan of just 90 seconds. After that we have to revive the emotions and get it going again. Stop "feeding" the emotion and it will go away."
I can not shake this 90 seconds and cannot stop feeding the emotion. You see, on Thursday morning I had to attend a meeting at work. This meeting was very hurtful, very offensive, very destructive to me. Even though after expressing my feelings on everything, and breaking down because I just can't emotionally or physically take it anymore, the doctor/co-business owner kept me after the meeting to explain his concern and to apologize that he relies on me too much because he knows I will get the job done. Yet within that meeting, when all others were there, as a group I was included in being told how badly our department is producing and he feels we just don't care.
Even though I had yesterday off and was able to spend it with my beautiful little 4 yr old granddaughter who adores me as much as I adore her. We had a wonderful time together. Just her and I. When I got to her house she jumped into my arms and wrapped herself around me, arms...legs and all and just held on to me so tight. Just what I needed after this awful day I had at work.
Now I'm home. I had a good nights rest and here I sit....feeling the after affects of what was thrown on me Thursday. I can not shake this emotion of hurt, disrespect, and being unappreciated. I have lost my motivation to do anything today.
I need MOTIVATION! I need to get to the gym cause I know this will make me feel better. I need to go to the store and buy myself tons of fruits and veggies and cook a huge vegetable soup for I know this will make me feel better. But here I sit. Feeling sorry for myself....feeding that dang emotion! An emotion that needs to die! IT NEEDS TO GO AWAY!