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I really need some...

Saturday, February 02, 2013


1.The reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way.
2.The general desire or willingness of someone to do something.

I have always regarded myself as being the one to motivate. The one to help others get moving and on the right track to reaching their goals in life. Yet today, I don't feel it. Today I have this weight that just won't be lifted from within and I can't shake it. I can't even ignore it. For it is holding me down and keeping me there.
I read at the bottom of one of my Spark emails this quote today:

"SparkPeople editor Stepfanie says:
Research has shown that every emotion has a lifespan of just 90 seconds. After that we have to revive the emotions and get it going again. Stop "feeding" the emotion and it will go away."

I can not shake this 90 seconds and cannot stop feeding the emotion. You see, on Thursday morning I had to attend a meeting at work. This meeting was very hurtful, very offensive, very destructive to me. Even though after expressing my feelings on everything, and breaking down because I just can't emotionally or physically take it anymore, the doctor/co-business owner kept me after the meeting to explain his concern and to apologize that he relies on me too much because he knows I will get the job done. Yet within that meeting, when all others were there, as a group I was included in being told how badly our department is producing and he feels we just don't care.
Even though I had yesterday off and was able to spend it with my beautiful little 4 yr old granddaughter who adores me as much as I adore her. We had a wonderful time together. Just her and I. When I got to her house she jumped into my arms and wrapped herself around me, arms...legs and all and just held on to me so tight. Just what I needed after this awful day I had at work.
Now I'm home. I had a good nights rest and here I sit....feeling the after affects of what was thrown on me Thursday. I can not shake this emotion of hurt, disrespect, and being unappreciated. I have lost my motivation to do anything today.
I need MOTIVATION! I need to get to the gym cause I know this will make me feel better. I need to go to the store and buy myself tons of fruits and veggies and cook a huge vegetable soup for I know this will make me feel better. But here I sit. Feeling sorry for myself....feeding that dang emotion! An emotion that needs to die! IT NEEDS TO GO AWAY!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DEE107
    thanks for sharing
    1451 days ago
    Good Morning Lisa,
    I just opened my computer to check some mileage for a run this morning and log onto Spark. I happened to see your blog in my friend feed so I'm taking a moment to send some empathy and encouragement. I have not had a very graceful past few days either. I also spent time with my granddaughter yesterday and I'm working on a new attitude today. I understand. I just read a meditation and the Bible reference was from Corinthians 5........."For we walk in faith not by sight".

    I challenge us both to get into some action today and just walk in faith that we are exactly who God wants us to be and we are capable of staying present and in the moment. We can make this "the day that the Lord hath made" for us and not allow our minds to control our spirits. My mind is so often out to get me and my ego is not far behind.

    Let's both let it go just for now and relish in this Saturday that we have been given.
    Is it a deal?
    Okay then. I'm going to say a little prayer, put on my jogging clothes, lace up my shoes, and put my music in my ears. Off we go!!!

    Then I will feel more able to tackle the bills, the banking, the broken kitchen sink, and my house cleaning...........

    God Bless You Today!
    1452 days ago
    When I am in such a state I have always found help in reading the psalms, because the psalmist went through all kinds of stuff. My heavenly Father has always heard my cries of frustration and hurt, listened to me vent and repent, and always took me into the safety of his arms.
    I pray you find peace in the midst of all this and can build yourself up again. You're worth it.
    1452 days ago
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