Saturday, February 02, 2013
Since I wrote my last blog I have had some ups and downs for sure but the good news is I have gotten much more clarity.
I had two more hours of driving and I really was able to calm down. I decided to use Quintessa as my example. Every Sunday I get to watch her in swim class learning to swim. In exactly one year she has gone from not being able to swim to the one of the best swimmers in her class, passing every course with flying colors and soon coming to a point where there are no more classes to be taken. So I thought about her. She listens to what the instructor says and then genuinely tries to do what they are asking of her. She is not afraid and she trusts her instructors. Once she gets the hang of a skill you can see that she then simply owns it and tries to excel at it. So I tried these things. I stopped making excuses for my driving. I tried to let go of what I thought I already knew. I literally pressed my lips shut and listened to what he was saying ( I can be quite the talker! lol!). I really tried not to take offense at criticism and just employed his advice. I trusted him when he said to go faster or slower knowing that he did not want to crash either! As I got more comfortable I thrived on a compliment and tried to keep up doing what I was doing right and take on the next thing. In the end I did much better. Not perfectly, but good enough to be able to take the next course "Nighttime Driving." Yay! The neighbors have agreed to watch the children that night so we are on to the next phase...phew!
Patrick and I also went to the bank and discovered that we would be approved of a loan for the cars....good news for sure but then I did a stupid thing. Patrick and I thought we might check with our families before we actually took the loan to see if we could take slightly lower interest loans from our folks in order to ease up on the financial stress a bit. His side was more than happy to help and mine...took it as a "I told you so! We knew this would happen one day. You are failing!!!!" With a big resounding "No we will not help you." I know darn well they are wealthy. I know darn well that my grandparents used to give them low interest loans to "keep it all in the family", I know that they have helped my older brother in the past and that they currently support my younger brother, so silly me, I thought that they would feel that they could help me. It really shook me up that first night and confirmed my worst fears about them but my recovery was quick. I think it even aided me in my final snipping of any ties that bind me to them. I say "they" but really it was my father that made the decision. My mother was horrified by it but "powerless to do anything" as she put it. So as disturbing as the situation is I am grateful. It confirms in me that I am OK and did nothing wrong...he is a bully. I am grateful that I am not in a marriage like that with my partner having all of the power. I was pleased that despite the slap in the face I was able to rise above it and found myself reassuring my mother that "Everything would be alright". We don't have the best relationship clearly but I did not want her to worry that I would turn on them. I won't...but I did put one more brick in the wall.
So just as things were sinking in and we were evaluating our overall situation we got a phone call from Ålesund. They had questions about some upcoming menus and they were wondering about our progress. At some point the conversation with Patrick turned to the "car and drivers license situation" and they were incredibly supportive. We were told not to lose any sleep over any of it...they would pick us up and drop us off until we got our licenses...if we can´t get two cars right away we can have the company car for a while...they even moved the date back of a "meet and greet" dinner they were planning until we could get our feet under us. They offered to have people sent over to help us unload and unpack when we arrived. The hotel manager even said she would talk to the company GM regarding the amount of money we are spending out of pocket to get our drivers licenses since we are doing it solely so we can move up there and work for them. We were kind of stunned...in a really good way!
Clarity...good and bad and reality are all tumbled into one but at least I got clarity on a bunch of things in about 48 hours. I learned a lot...from my daughter, from my parents and from my new employer. Thinking about my daughter taught me how to learn, dealing with my parents helped teach me what kind of a parent I want to be when I am big and hearing from my future employers taught me to have faith in the kindness of strangers even when I have every reason to have faith in no one. I also need to mention that the generosity of Patrick's parents taught me that there can be security and love within families.
Despite the "downs", the "ups" made me feel really great, appreciated, proud, relieved and above all "normal" ...something I am always striving for. :-)
Oh! one more thing! A really important thing. Thank you wonderful Spark Friends. I leaned on you and you came through for me. You have been there for me more than you know. I really count on you. The wonderful comments and support are helping me so much through all of this. I often re read the responses or read them aloud to Patrick...it helps me to know I have such good friends and to know that you have such faith in me. Thank you.