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Boys, Puppies, Life...

Saturday, February 02, 2013

I have basically just been posting through status updates, and then sometimes I post things, and things don't go according to plan and I feel like a DOFUS. I swear, sometimes I feel like I jinx stuff. So for my spark friends that actually "know me", this blog is for you... and if you don't know me feel free to join in, but you probably won't give a tiny rats butt about anything in this blog. emoticon

emoticon: So a few months back I thought Sheldon had a stroke. We believe he has Vestibular disease which hits older dogs. He was doing great, he was doing great with Sparky, in fact he was the spunkiest I had seen him in weeks. I wake up at 1030 am Thursday (that is like the "middle of the night" for me and my whacky schedule), to Sparky barking. My poor Sheldon was standing there with his nose to the ground, wouldn't react to me, it was like I didn't exist. We did take him to the emergency vet, there is a possibility he has a brain tumor, which they prescribe steroids for but at his age it is not worth putting him through an MRI and other tests. Plus the fact that I can't afford some wazoo medical care. He is anywhere from 10-13, so the goal at this point is to just keep him as happy and comfortable for as long as possible. When I took him in December of 2011, the shelter was going to put him down because he was a nasty little dog and no one could touch him. Of course now he hearts me, but he will still tell you when he's "not having it" and will snap at you. My family has always prided ourselves in taking the "problem children". I would never take a dog that everybody wants to adopt, I'd much rather save the one that is overlooked.

Anyways, he looked horrible, but today he is feeling a lot better and was gently playing with Sparky again today. As for Sparky, he sleeps in my bed and sits with me on the couch, he does have some minor behavioral issues which just reaffirms he belongs at my house. The only thing that could be an issue is if he decides to bark when I am at work. Worst case scenario he will need a bark collar while I'm working, I am dreading that and I hope we don't have to go that route, but if the alternative was being put to sleep at the shelter, I can still find comfort in knowing this is a much better route for Sparky.

emoticon Sparky and I also went for our first walk today and it went great, and now he is pooped. I am going to make it a goal to walk him on all my days off. Around my block is exactly 1 mile and tomorrow we will go for 2. Walking with a high energy dog really allows me to pick up the pace and he almost pushes me to walk faster which is pretty cool.

emoticon One thing I will say is having this new dog has kept me on my toes and kept me more focused on him and how he is getting along with Sheldon that I am not fighting the urge to mindlessly eat or eat out of boredom, so that's another perk.

emoticon: The boy. So this emoticon isn't ideal because these people are clearly emoticon 's and emoticon's in their relationship and that isn't the case. So for the handful of my ladies that really want to know what is up with the boy I thought I'd update. I still am weary of getting super personal on here... but I feel like a dummy because I posted that the boy and I had plans for Thursday. We have only hung out at his house, and this was kind of a big deal because we planned ahead, and he was coming to my house for the first time.

Here is the issue, and if you are going to lecture me or question my choices or morals, save us both the trouble and keep it to yourself... emoticon

I am about to be 27 and have not been "around the block" many times, and well, you are just going to have to take my word of it.

The short version of the boy story is we went on a date once, a little over 4 years ago. We never really hung out again, but we continued to talk. We talked through text/instant messenger mostly... but we have been friends ever since. He wanted to see me a few times through the years but I avoided it like the plague because I had gained a significant amount of weight from the last time he saw me.

As an example, I was about 205ish when we went on our date, and at any given time was between 240-272 and had no desire to allow him to see me that way. He was once very overweight, lost 80 pounds, and then has gained back a few. He still deals with self image and feeling fat even though he is definitely not fat. So he has never been anything but nice about my weight, but it was a personal issue.

Anyways, we started "hanging out" in September. It was nothing serious and we have seen each other very sporadically since then. Our schedules are totally opposite, he works 4am to 4pm, I work 5pm to 5am, and we typically don't share many of the same days off. He also works A LOT of overtime. So obviously that didn't make for much time together.

(Apparently my fingers have taken over, and it's all just flooding out, LOL)... He does this thing, THAT I HATE where he will go days without texting me. IT MAKES ME CRAZY. I like to think I'm pretty sane by nature, but I have never had a guy do that. He feels like if he's working he doesn't have to talk to me and I hate that. I have told him repeatedly how much that hurts me, and he works on it for a little bit but then it's back to his old ways. When I first met him, I would tease him that he was "too nice" and "like a girl" because, well he really was. I believe his current job has kind of changed him, and some of the changes aren't good.

Since I gave the disclaimer above, I will say we basically were "hooking up" and not really "dating". I have never really skipped the dating part, so this was uncharted territory for me and let me just say it is not for me. I can't deal with that, and I've learned that for the future. I was very open and honest with him that I couldn't handle the situation... communicating with him in general is like pulling teeth, and talking about something REAL makes it even harder, but basically he agreed with me that he didn't want it to just be hooking up, but then made no effort to change it. And for the record, I don't even know how much I really like the guy, I wasn't trying to make him my boyfriend, I just wanted to spend some time together, go on a proper date and see if we even TRULY enjoyed each others company. Again, would agree he didn't want it to be hooking up and in the SAME sentence say he didn't know what he wanted. So that is what I've been dealing with since December.

The last time I saw him was the end of December, he was supposed to come over Thursday. The thing is, he did not have my address so we obviously needed to talk before hand even if he said on Monday he was going to come over. I text him Tuesday to see if he is still coming over. My #1 reason for wanting to know was so I could make sure everything was super clean. He didn't say anything. Then Wednesday I asked again and nothing. When he finally did respond I was just done. He said he wanted to come on Thursday but he wasn't sure if it was a good idea because he still wasn't sure what he wanted, but he just didn't want it to be about that (hooking up). What I can't understand is, you don't know what you want but you don't want it to be hooking up, but you have not once tried to have an actual date. I was really hoping we would have a great day on Thursday and that it would help and now that is totally crushed.

It didn't end well, that was the only text I got from him, but being an emotional girl I kind of just told him that I felt like he knows what he wants, but he just doesn't want it with me and that I was done. He always weasels his way back in and he always does the "come over now" stuff and I hate that but I have given into it. I am just kinda hurt by the whole situation. He doesn't owe me anything as we aren't even dating, so it just makes me feel like the worlds biggest idiot. I have never been shy about saying I have severe self esteem issues, and I feel like any girl with a good sense of self worth wouldn't have let it gone on this long without putting her foot down.

Mind you, my comment to him about knowing what he wants comes from the fact that for the last 4 years he has whined to me that he doesn't like being alone and wants a girlfriend. Now you have someone (me) that wants to spend time with you and you "don't know what you want". He is 29 and has never had a girlfriend, and I'm not mocking that at all, but I can't understand why he has told me for years he wished he had a girlfriend and then has acted this way with me. I think that is why it's a bigger slap in the face to me, I feel like he wants a girlfriend, but just not me. And even right now when he has no other options, I feel like I'm still not good enough. Like he'd rather chose being alone over being with me. Time will tell, but I don' t know if I will be hearing from him again. The hardest part is that I'm losing a friend. *SIGHS*

Wow, so this turned into a huge venting blog instead of a simple update. I will probably regret putting "so much" out there, but it is what it is. So this is what I've been struggling with, a lot of emotional stuff over here and it's just been really hard. I am feeling better today but the whole thing still plagues me. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I hope that Sheldon feels better soon. It's tough having a pet who's going through a health crisis, but you are awesome for taking care of the ones that most people wouldn't give a second glance to.

    As for the boy...I've been in that situation of "I don't know what I want." The thing is, if he's never had a real girlfriend, he probably DOESN'T know what he wants. He probably doesn't understand what a real relationship entails, the work that goes into it, and the need for communication. He likely wants a girlfriend or the "idea" of one but he's either not ready to put the effort into it or he doesn't want to. Please don't like at it as "he doesn't want you." Know that it's because HE has issues, not you. I guarantee that he would have the same problem with any other girl, and if he hasn't had any real relationship experience, there is probably a deep-seated reason for that.

    I dated a guy for about 4 months like that. He had never had a relationship. It took a month of us talking online before we actually went out on dates. And then we had to date for about 2 months before he brought up the "relationship" talk. After 2 weeks of our relationship, he freaked out and wanted to break up. He said it was because he couldn't see us getting married. WTF? Why was he thinking of marriage two weeks in? Ludicrous. It was a scapegoat excuse. He just got scared. I have self-esteem issues, but I knew none of that had to do with me. He had major trust issues with almost everyone in his life (including family) and I don't think he realized what being in a relationship meant. He wanted a girlfriend so badly, but he didn't want to put the effort into it. I told him "Good, we need to break up. You are not ready for a relationship. I wish you the best and hope one day you can get over your own trust issues." (He would hardly text me too...rwar!)

    It sounds like maybe your boy has some similar commitment issues. I know it's hard, and it's going to hurt, but draw that boundary and don't let him hurt you anymore. Tell him that you are done with this and unless he is willing to go out on a proper date with you and try to determine if there is relationship potential, he needs to stop contacting you. Then walk away. If he doesn't call, try not to take it personally. It really isn't you. It's him. And as long as you let him continue to violate your boundaries and hurt you, he will continue to do so because he knows he can get away with it. You can't control his actions, but you can control how you react to them. He's not choosing to be alone over you, he's choosing to be alone because he can't handle being in a commitment with ANYONE. I guarantee even if he goes out tomorrow and gets a girlfriend, she is going to be dealing with a whole lot of issues and you'll be like "wow, I dodged that bullet!" Trust me, I've dodged quite a few.

    If hooking up is not for you, it's not for you. Don't let him continue to think he's waffling over the idea. You are not an idiot for feeling hurt. You have communicated to him that you are hurt and that certain things bother you, which is exactly what you should do. And he should respect those feelings. I know it stinks to lose a friend, but if he's treating you that way, is that a true friend?
    1810 days ago
    Take care of Sheldon! He has a great mommy!!! emoticon and scratches to the pooches!!!!

    As far as the boy goes, been there done that, most painful experience in my life but the end result...I am not with him and so much better for it...but only you can decide how long and how far you want to take it...hopefully you KNOW you are worth FAR MORE than a booty call.

    emoticon emoticon let me know if you need to chat privately...I am hear for ya!
    1811 days ago
    Chloe and I are sending puppy emoticon to sheldon, I am gald to hear he is feeling a little better - it's aways so hard when our fur babies don't feel well. Btw, sparky is soo cute!

    As for the boy, I think you did exactly the right thing. I know it's difficult to lose a friend, but you did everything you could do and in the end you have to look out for yourself. You can't just wait around for him to make up his mind. I am so very proud of you *hugs*
    1811 days ago
    emoticon for Sheldon!
    And emoticon for you.

    I agree with Emmaekay. Ask yourself the question then follow your heart. You are the only one who knows what is best for you. Even when it means taking the tough road.

    You are a rockstar, and deserve nothing less, girl. Don't settle. And make sure anyone who gets your time understands that you aren't are won't!
    1811 days ago
    We love "bad" dogs in this house, too! hahaha It always feels good to watch them come around once they learn that not everything is awful.

    As far as the boy goes, he really does sound like a "boy." My general rule of thumb is that if someone makes me feel bad, I pitch them. And I don't mean "they hurt my feelings once." I mean that, deep-down "I know this is poisonous," bad. Sometimes it can be painful to cut the bad pieces out of our life, but we have to do it... before the poison spreads!

    I just ask myself, "In general, does [this person] add happiness to my life, or stress and sadness?" and then make the decision from there. Your instincts have already told you it's time to tell that boy buh-bye - you can do it. :D
    1812 days ago
    I was in a relationship for 4 years. After we broke up, I was single for about 1,5 year. In spring I met a guy and I was interested. We kept it friendly and in summer we decided to go on a date. After 2 dates I realized that he didn't share a thing about his life and he didn't really care to hear about mine. The only thing he wanted was to get to his house and "afterwards" I had to go. I ended it after about a week. No feelings, no friendship, nothing.

    Before going out on a real date he kept telling me (via email and telephone) how much he wanted to cook together, spend time, go for walks etc. He wanted me in his bed and not in his heart, although I have explained that I'm a "relationship" girl.

    Well, we deserve THE BEST. And we will find it!
    Our independence is far too valuable to sell it in a low price. Alone doesn't mean necessarily lonely; it means waiting for the right guy.

    1812 days ago
    Ugh. Oh Stephanie - boys are dumb. I could go on a rant of blah-dee-blah, but when it comes down to it - this is the key:

    If you aren't getting what you want, need, and deserve - it's not the relationship for you. Love doesn't need to be hard, especially at the beginning.

    As for Sparky - did you name him based on SP? That'd be cool!! And hope Sheldon is back on track soon, what a sweet Momma you are taking in all the "hard to love" puppies out there! You are amazing!

    Have a super weekend!
    1812 days ago

    Keeping Sheldon in my thoughts.

    I have a lot to say regarding the boy but I'll simply say that you'll make the right decision. You are an intelligent, strong woman.
    1812 days ago
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    1812 days ago
    I have so been in that guy situation before. My advice is going to be harsh but to the point: GET RID OF HIM. He doesn't sound like he's interested in being your boyfriend and he most certainly is being a friend. If he were a friend he wouldn't manipulate you like that. He's not a high schooler, he's old enough to know what he wants. Don't waste time with guys that are just going to screw with you. emoticon
    1812 days ago
    I'm sorry for your puppy! It's heartbreaking when your loved ones are in pain- especially when it's a furbaby you've committed to caring for. I hope he feels better soon.

    I'm sorry about the boy situation. I wish I had good advice about this... but I don't. I was a virgin when I got married, so I'm useless on sex advice... I'm really sorry for the sadness you've encountered. You deserve a meaningful relationship with or without sex- and if he's too pansy to step up, then pshaw there's other men who aren't.

    1812 days ago
    I think it is awesome you adopt the hard luck cases. You are an Angel to animals!

    yeah... about boys... ugh

    I was in your shoes a few years back sort of...

    I wish I had some better advice to give - I just spent a lot of time with Jack Daniels
    1812 days ago
    As an animal lover and fellow "adopt the unwanted" types, I applaud you for that. I have adopted the 12 year old diabetic cat, the 10 year old retired brood mom greyhound and a few stray cats. It isn't always easy, but I feel its worth it. I think most of them know what you did for them, how you truly saved their lives.

    And regarding the boy: yeah, been there, done that. Of all of the changes for the better I did in my life it was getting rid of boys that had that attitude and or treated me like that. It took some time, and it took a lot of self control, but it was worth it in the end. When I approached turned 27 I was an emotional wreck. I was single, I feared I would be alone for ever and would never find anyone that loved me for me, but I realized that trying rationalize having "someone" that was kind of around but made me feel icky wasn't the answer. It took me about 3 months to wrap my brain around the choices I had to make, and how to be happy and proud of those choices (such as not returning phone calls - texting wasn't so big a few years ago...) Ultimately, it was a few months later when I met my now husband. I am so glad I washed my hands of the guys that really weren't worth my time, because he so very much was. The difference was noticeable almost immediately. I was no longer doing or being or acting to try to keep him happy so he would stay, I was doing and being and acting to keep me happy, which in turn made him happy and want to stay.

    What I am saying is do what you know and feel to be right for you. You know you deserve better than being there for a hook up. The one who sees that is out there for you.
    1812 days ago
    Before I met my hubby I had the same type of relationship with a guy. He broke it off saying I deserved better and then when I started dating my now hubby he began to follow us everywhere we went for the first couple of months. I was broken hearted at first when he didn't want to see me anymore, but his loss in the end. My hubby and I have been together over 26 years and married for 22 years. Even thought it does not seem like it right now when it is the right person there won't be this unwanted game playing. They will accept you for who you are and you of them.

    Hope Sheldon is doing OK. How awesome of you to adopt the difficult pets and giving them a chance at a loving home.

    1812 days ago
    Hopefully your doggie gets back to a somewhat normal state. Poor pup. I still love the fact that you go for the dogs that usually wouldn't be adopted. It shows that you are definitely a dog person. Some people shoot for the puppy and then give up because it's just not what they expected. But you truly are a dog person.. and I bet your puppies love you for that. As for the boy.. sometimes we all put up with more than we should because we really want something good to come from a situation. It really is up to you how long you will tolerate and how much you will tolerate. I can definitely understand where you are coming from. I've put up with alot from my husband that other women would say they could never put up with.. but I guess I just felt like it was worth the shot. If the boy doesn't know what he wants he should at least attempt to have a true date with you. Then that could help him decide if he wants to pursue you or just remain friends. He doesn't know what an amazing person he is missing out on! You are one strong woman.. You know that?
    1812 days ago
  • PUNKY100
    Girl, I swear to GOD we could be the same person.

    I won't go into details here, if you want to know the whole story just mail me, I'll talk about it in mails, no problem, but I had this whole relationship/not relationship thing happen a couple of years ago. He still just texted me this morning emoticon

    All I have to say is that you did the best thing you could have for yourself. Just don't even bother with this foolish boy anymore. It's not you, it's him. If he doesn't want to date your awesomeness, there is another guy who will, and he will regret the fact that he couldn't figure out what he wanted when he could have had you. The funny part is that he will keep trying to text you and get you to come over. Just have the strength to say no! :-)

    If you need me, you know I'm always here! emoticon
    1812 days ago
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