Friday, 2/1 Recovery Week 6-Frustrations on my path
Saturday, February 02, 2013
I'm having a blue day. It has been colder than cold here--wind chills of -50. Schools were on a 2 hour late schedule because of the frigid weather. I made a parental decision to keep them home today because yesterday (when it was some 40 degrees warmer), the buses had trouble keeping the fuel from turning to gel. I couldn't send my daughter on crutches to school when it is like this and I am even more frightened to send my son on a bus that might become disabled somewhere between here and there. That made my older daughter angry with me, accusing me of babying them and letting them "get away with everything." Grr-rr. I am the parent and I make the best decisions I can at the moment. I told her so as well and she said that I never let them just stay home--and that isn't true, I can remember a few times that the weather gave me reason to make the same decision.
I had a rough time at therapy today. I couldn't lift my right leg off the floor and I couldn't bend it either. My knee is totally acting out. I walked three laps around th egym today without a squeak of trouble in my hip--but it was a good thing that the PT had a belt on me because my knee kept giving out and it finally got ugly. I am totally frustrated over this--I keep reliving my knee history and I cannot go back there. I cannot sit comfortably or lie comfortably or find any position that gives me peace. I finally, for the lack of sleep fell asleep in the car today for 2 hours. My husband had them drive around so I could keep sleeping because he knows how awful it has been for me with this knee.
I went to the pool tonight and I realized that I have to start way back at the beginning, doing the exercises I did when I first had water therapy. I expected to lose some ground, but I didn't expect to lose everything. This situation has had me crying three times in two days--once for pain and twice for frustration. I will regain my ground, but I am fearful over what is going on with my body.
The nasty cold weather is certainly not helping me, adding to my stiffness and achiness. I am in a full blown fibromyalgia flare that has been coming on all week long. However, this thing with my knee is above and beyond my regular pain that I live with every day of my life. I am hating this and need something--what?? Relief and answers, I think would help. I see my ortho on Monday and I am guessing he isn't going to care a lot for revisiting knee pain with me. That is what brought him to me and my right knee had 3 scopes, 2 total knee replacements, syn-visc injections, cortisone injections, 2 manipulations under anesthesia until they realized I had RSD. I have been to the wars and back with this and I am nervous as much as in pain. I wish I understood why this has surfaced, of all things that could have gone on.
Anyway, maybe tomorrow when it is a bit warmer and I have some rest and maybe even some peace--maybe then, I will feel better. Thanks for listening to all of my whining today. It's been one of those days!