Back to the basic, back to something good?

Friday, February 01, 2013

It's been a few years since I have been on here. I had so much going on in my head, heart and life at the time that I stopped coming to Spark People. It was hard enough going through my day remembering to tell myself to breath and that maybe everything would be ok; I couldn't add one more thing in to remember. Life has still had it's up and downs since then, as life always will. I put my heart out there again and it was hurt, thankfully not as much as before and it is healing fast. I gained friends, I lost a few (but maybe they were never really friends to begin with I guess) and I've learned quite a number of things about me. I guess at 32 it is never too old to keep learning about yourself.

People always want to make January their time for renewal and starting over, but as January was just plain crappy, I'm making February my new year. Why be like everyone else; I have never been like everyone else anyway. So starting today and from now on I do for me. I don't give in and I don't back down. I have let people use and hurt me, not just this year, but in past years. Not this time. I am getting my ass in gear and not only working out so I can feel good, but because I can (hopefully) look good. Plus I have some vacations coming up this summer and I am determined to be more toned then I am now.

Sometimes I need a bit of a push. As much as I keep saying I am not giving up, it's hard not to. It's hard to envision an end result of me being toned and without jiggly thighs because the only time I didn't have them when I was about 12-13. It's a battle with myself. How do I know if I can get to that end, if I was never that "end product" anyway. Maybe I will never be the picture in my head... which I have to say IS realistic and not some crazy supermodel look... maybe I will always look like how I do. Granted it's not bad, persay, but can I do better? I don't know. I hope to try and be surprised and find out I can, versus trying and finding out I can't. So while this road is very long and I know bumpy and the longer I go probably even bumpier then I can even imagine at this point, I will work. I will hold on with 2 hands and take the bumps when they come and I will do my best to deal with it.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you all for the kind words and thanks for the welcome LALMEIDA and Ruth Ann! It is nice to be back.

    Suzanne, I do have faith that this is where I am supposed to me. I just wish sometimes I got a little more heads up beford hand :)

    Kutey, I would like that. I'll message you :)

    1843 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1845 days ago
  • SUZANNE65203

    Welcome back! You are on the right path but you can't know where it will take you right now. Have faith and just keep going.

    1845 days ago
    Welcome back!!
    ~Ruth Ann
    1845 days ago
  • KUTEY5041
    Raven, I am so sorry you were hurt again. Sometimes I feel that it is not worth the pain. I guess if we don't try even though we put ourselves out there with a chance of getting hurt, we will never know if the right one is out there waiting for us. So much of what you have written sounds exactly like me. It is eerie. If you want to, we can make it a buddy system like they used to talk about and keep each other on track. I am determined to try to get to where I feel better about my looks and health this time. I am so tired of being jiggly everywhere and having to get such a large size of pants. I used to be so small till my late 20's or early 30's without doing anything. then all of a sudden, I blew up like a balloon. You will make it this time. Don't give up on me
    1846 days ago
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