Friday, February 01, 2013
Yesterday I was being hard on myself. The reason? I was hungry. For breakfast I had greek yogurt, two tablespoons of the holy crap cereal (seeds essentially... and it does get things moving, hence the name) with half a cup of strawberry halves (not in season, disappointing). One the way to work I met my brothers girlfriend and we stopped to have a latte. A co-worker had brought in cookies. I thought I could avoid them. Oh, but one is alright... no. It set up that sugar-need-more-sugar-hungry cycle... so I had a second. Before lunch. For lunch I had debated bringing the Pacific Foods roasted garlic mushroom lentil soup or dinner leftovers (salmon, broccoli and carrots, sweet potato). I decided on the soup. The soup was delicious... and because of the cookies I waited until 1/1:30 to eat it. By about 3:30/4 my stomach was growling. I didn't try to resist too hard... I snuck another cookie... and regretted it as I worked until 6pm. I was hungry hungry hungry... I got home around 6:30, reheated my dinner and thought as I was savouring it that I had gotten rid of the sugar induced hunger... oh no. After finishing the dishes and brewing some herbal tea I went upstairs to work on my dissertation (which I should be doing right now and will get back to momentarily). Around 10 my stomach let out a loud growl. At 10:30 or so I took the dog out... and gave in to three pieces of ryvita with almond butter. I felt like a failure... but at least I was working until after 2am and my stomach didn't grumble again!
You know that feeling? I guess we all know that feeling. One day of bad choices feels like it will lead to a lifetime of not being able to make the best choices for ourselves and this will breed internal misery... or at least when I get on a negative tangent like that I let it grow and grow... Last night I was even doubting that I have the ability to finish this PhD (tentative dense date in early April), and WHY? Because of three cookies that left me hungry? I need to deal better with those moments, and I didn't deal terribly... but sometimes I just get carried away with the negative.
Today is going better. I weighed myself first thing... and the scale showed a loss. I moved it all over the room (because this scale is touchy) and everywhere I put it, it showed a loss (though some places showed more of a loss than others). I entered a median value... and ran off to yoga. I know it's not a good idea but I did list my late night snack as breakfast this morning (with an apple and coffee... so I still ate something). Lunch was soup and chicken. Earlier this week I was craving red meat so I have meat ready for burgers for my boyfriend and I tonight (I'm sure he won't notice that it is 1/3 turkey?)... today will be slightly over my calorie ranges but I think that's alright. It's not the end of the world. I'm still being smart enough about this and as long as I keep working towards making positive changes I'm making the right choices. And I'm finishing this dissertation.
Happy Friday, sparkfriends! Keep sparking and stay positive, you're doing it.