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    THE_JENCH   52,400
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Thursday negativity.

Friday, February 01, 2013

Yesterday I was being hard on myself. The reason? I was hungry. For breakfast I had greek yogurt, two tablespoons of the holy crap cereal (seeds essentially... and it does get things moving, hence the name) with half a cup of strawberry halves (not in season, disappointing). One the way to work I met my brothers girlfriend and we stopped to have a latte. A co-worker had brought in cookies. I thought I could avoid them. Oh, but one is alright... no. It set up that sugar-need-more-sugar-hungry cycle... so I had a second. Before lunch. For lunch I had debated bringing the Pacific Foods roasted garlic mushroom lentil soup or dinner leftovers (salmon, broccoli and carrots, sweet potato). I decided on the soup. The soup was delicious... and because of the cookies I waited until 1/1:30 to eat it. By about 3:30/4 my stomach was growling. I didn't try to resist too hard... I snuck another cookie... and regretted it as I worked until 6pm. I was hungry hungry hungry... I got home around 6:30, reheated my dinner and thought as I was savouring it that I had gotten rid of the sugar induced hunger... oh no. After finishing the dishes and brewing some herbal tea I went upstairs to work on my dissertation (which I should be doing right now and will get back to momentarily). Around 10 my stomach let out a loud growl. At 10:30 or so I took the dog out... and gave in to three pieces of ryvita with almond butter. I felt like a failure... but at least I was working until after 2am and my stomach didn't grumble again!

You know that feeling? I guess we all know that feeling. One day of bad choices feels like it will lead to a lifetime of not being able to make the best choices for ourselves and this will breed internal misery... or at least when I get on a negative tangent like that I let it grow and grow... Last night I was even doubting that I have the ability to finish this PhD (tentative dense date in early April), and WHY? Because of three cookies that left me hungry? I need to deal better with those moments, and I didn't deal terribly... but sometimes I just get carried away with the negative.

Today is going better. I weighed myself first thing... and the scale showed a loss. I moved it all over the room (because this scale is touchy) and everywhere I put it, it showed a loss (though some places showed more of a loss than others). I entered a median value... and ran off to yoga. I know it's not a good idea but I did list my late night snack as breakfast this morning (with an apple and coffee... so I still ate something). Lunch was soup and chicken. Earlier this week I was craving red meat so I have meat ready for burgers for my boyfriend and I tonight (I'm sure he won't notice that it is 1/3 turkey?)... today will be slightly over my calorie ranges but I think that's alright. It's not the end of the world. I'm still being smart enough about this and as long as I keep working towards making positive changes I'm making the right choices. And I'm finishing this dissertation.

Happy Friday, sparkfriends! Keep sparking and stay positive, you're doing it.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ARIELLA_ 2/2/2013 11:38AM

    I completely empathize with the feeling of letting one "mistake" ruin what could still be a potentially good day. It's quite frustrating!

But lately, I've been adhering to my mom's philosophy - if you're going to eat something you like but is unhealthy, then don't feel guilty about it. Eat it, enjoy it, be done with it...and know it means you just need to cut back the next day, or add in some extra exercise.

It's the spiraling guilt that makes us eat out of control. But we're stronger than that! :)

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