I have had two crazy weeks now! Huge meeting last week, lots of prep for that, working a busy holiday, day after the holiday off which threw me off, a full day of crazy on Friday... PT two mornings, swimming two mornings, gym in there somewhere, probably, I forget.... Phone calls....
This week was more of the same, minus the scary meeting. Full day of post meeting work, early shift + super full day, traveling day (very physical, I am SO BRUISED, and was SO TIRED!). Yesterday was a little more calm, but another busy day today. Plus more phone calls, more PT appointments, and more swimming. OH, and it's my turn to clean the lab.
So anyway. I was out of my usual breakfast yesterday. This is part of my reflection I have been doing lately about various things, all of which I will file under Non Scale Victories.
So. Most days, for breakfast I have:
7 oz Fage plain greek yogurt, the reduced fat (2%) kind.
1 or 1/2 baked sweet potato, depending on if it's a normal-ish potato or one the size of my head. Approximately 1 cup of sweet potato.
Yesterday I was OUT OF PLAIN YOGURT AHHH EMERGENCY EMERGENCY!!!
The old, totally pre-sparkpeople me would have had a giant bowl of cereal. The more recent me would go "eh, I need breakfast" and stop at the corner deli place for a bagel with cream cheese. Mid SP journey me would get an egg white veggie flatbread from Dunkin Donuts on the way to work.
Now me is like "GRRRR!" at all of those options. Too many empty carbs; too many calories and low protein; okay protein but cheese for breakfast?? please. I had a chobani "bite", those new teeny 100 calorie yogurts. This makes me cranky. Why? It's sweetened and has fruit. Okay, it's tasty and makes a nice afternoon snack now and then, but it's no breakfast. More calories, sugar, and carbs and only ("ONLY!") 8g protein. BOOOOOO FLAVORED YOGURT. I managed to scrape about 2 ounces of 2% out of my giant Fage container (I prefer the grab and go single serving cups but sometimes the jerks that shop at my A&P buy them all and I have to get the giant one and portion it out myself), and I did have a sweet potato still. So I ended up with a breakfast slightly lower in calories and protein than usual, but still comparable.
But ohhhh, crankiness ensued. I am just kind of enjoying the bizarreness of the version of me that is like "flavored yogurt = epic tragedy."
To paint a fuller picture of my yesterday:
Up at 5:40am.
Walk to gym.
Swim, 6:20 to ~ 7:35
Shower, dress, pack up gym pants for PT
GRUMBLE GRUMBLE EAT INAPPROPRIATE BREAKFAST GRUMBLE
Work work work (I accomplished a lot yesterday! Reworked a 22 page report, ARGH)
At work until ~5:40
Drive to PT (hooray for traffic)
7:30-8:00 - drive home from PT
At this point, am I tired? YES. But I didn't go straight home and burrito into blankets on the couch (see Jan 17 blog for visual). I went to the grocery store, because BREAKFAST EMERGENCY.
I tend to go COMPLETELY INSANE when this happens. I bought NINE cups of Fage and nine sweet potatoes (not head-sized! yay!). Plus some random yoplait lights because OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, WHAT IF I RUN OUT OF YOGURT AGAIN, TRAGEDY.
I'm pretty much set through next Saturday, which is good because now I'll be able to sleep at night.
I came home, washed dishes, put my giant pile of sweet potatoes in the oven, packed my gym bag, and prepped stuff to put in the crock pot this morning.
Man, I was so accomplished yesterday. I'm tired just thinking about it (but also proud).
It's still so weird to think of how different I am now. When you think about changing all your habits it sounds SO DIFFICULT, but here I am. I would give up just about ANYTHING (fun outings, socializing with friends, dinner, other errands, whatever) if I need to stock up on breakfast. Because I know how much harder it is for me to stay on track when I don't have a good breakfast. I can wing dinner and get a healthy -ish choice when I have to but that breakfast has GOT TO BE in the house.
Also I've noticed a couple other things. Rewinding even further back, we have:
Monday. Half of my lunch got thrown out. Grump grump. I had brought soup, and some random leftovers and things, like a 100cal chicken sausage, about 1/4c of leftover microwaved veggies, and a couple of clementines. My soup got thrown out (BOO GRUMBLE) so I had my tiny pile of sad side dishes and that was it. On Mondays our work cafeteria is closed, and I had obligations that prevented me from going out to buy a replacement lunch. GRUMBLE!
By mid afternoon I was like, well I have all those extra calories now. Maybe I'll get something from the vending machine to tide me over. I could totally afford some M&Ms today. (This is how I think of it now!! Can I "afford" something with my calories I have to spend!)
And as I thought about it I was like... I don't want chocolate! Just because I can fit it in my calories, doesn't mean it fits in my day. I *WANTED* lentil soup. Protein, fiber, hot and filling. Chocolate is NONE OF THOSE THINGS. Yeah I was grumpy as h3ll, but it was kind of amazing to me the process that I went through. I was just like... Yeah it would taste good but it's not what I need or want right now. That's kind of amazing.
Of course I'm not ALWAYS that amazing... Then there was Wednesday. The up at 5:20, at work at 6:20, pack, drive an hour to the client, then run around like a maniac, climb up and down, carry and move heavy stuff, craziness physically demanding 5 and a half hours. THEN I had to drive an hour back! Because I am too nice, and I let my coworker meet me there since it was closer to where she lives than to work. Which is fine but then that means I have to drive an hour home after my extra long day! (Those days are usually more like 3 and a half hours...)
I got to go home early, but I was EXHAUSTED. I made the conscious decision to get some junk food, which I ate on my couch watching TV. Popcorn, cheez its, and some sweets, though nothing compared to the way I used to binge. Just a serving of each, and it took me a while to eat it. I also skipped swimming; couldn't have gone in the morning, too early, but I could have gone in the afternoon or evening. But by the time I finished making myself sick with crap I sure didn't feel like it.
Oh I felt HORRIBLE. If you're really tired, you know what you should NOT do? Eat a buttload of sodium and sugar. UGH. I felt even more tired, headache, stuffy, just awful. BLECH.
Yesterday I stuffed myself full of fresh veggies and water and I felt SO MUCH better. (9-10 servings of veggies, 12 cups of water! Down 2 pounds this morning, too)
It was also funny yesterday - I got my morning swim in. I felt like I hadn't been there in WEEKS. WEEKS! I checked back - it had been two days. TWO DAYS. I swam Sunday Monday, missed Tuesday Wednesday, swam Thursday. I have apparently become a person who feels totally thrown off and insane and weird and like I've been sick for weeks or something when I miss TWO CONSECUTIVE DAYS of working out.
All this stuff happened while I wasn't looking. I'm glad, don't get me wrong. It's just so strange! I think it's helpful for me to be aware of where I was, and where I am now. Not only do I never want to feel the way I must have felt (how can I not have noticed??) back at 300 pounds, sedentary, eating garbage, I don't ever want to feel the way I felt on WEDNESDAY. It's crazy.
And as tired as I was, how hard must those super physically demanding days have been before?? I had to reload sound systems when I got back (just what you want to do after a long day...). The party line is they weigh ~65 pounds, because our job description includes "must be able to lift 65 pounds." HA. Right. I would bet money this huge case with huge heavy speaker + microphones, batteries, and power strip weighs more than 65 pounds. I took out ours and brought it to storage and brought out a new one. I picked up the new case to put it in the van and went "...this thing feels empty!" Put it back down and opened it up... nope, there's a big old speaker in there. Okay. I'm insane, and much stronger than I used to be apparently!
I know this is disjointed and rambly, I just had a bunch of these experiences lately. My habits are starting to stick. It used to be that a busy or stressful week meant cheeseburgers and fries and couch potato evenings. Now I will give up anything to be able to get a swim, or go buy my breakfasts. I will cut you. Step off the plain yogurts. And it's not because in that moment, I'm thinking about how I'm going to look in my bridesmaid dress in June. It's because... this is my routine now and I like it and I get grumpy when it gets interrupted.
This is good!
I'm a little off my swim plan this week... Looks like I'm going to get in three swims instead of four, so my mileage will be lower than planned this week. If I can stick to my original plan next week I'll still be okay to make the challenge, I think. I'll tough it out!
Next Saturday is FLORIDA TIME! Then the weekend after that I get back from Florida, and the weekend after THAT I'm going to visit my family again (YAY!) so I have a lot to look forward to, and to reduce some of this crazy stress. I can't wait.
Until then, if you need me I'll be in the yogurt aisle, with a cattle prod and a very intimidating facial expression.