What is written you can't take back
Friday, February 01, 2013
I am just one of you of a million or more. I have a mind that races around moment to moment and if I don't catch it.....well it can take me the wrong direction. Food. My comfort. My pain. I am experiencing the vicious cycle of reverting to what feels good. I have the knowledge of what sustains me. I know what what drowns me. I have to get past my head. My eyes deceive me. My 12 year old son and I were watching the biggest loser, and when the team lost the challenge and were sent to the game room with all the "goodies" I looked at my son and said, " I would fail, right there in front of America I would say I am eating this pizza and all the donuts." I actually saw myself, sitting there like a glutton with a mouthful of pizza, not caring about myself. So, I guess I can say that at that moment, I realized that I have no control over what tastes good to me. I am a stuffer and I need to stop this behavior. I am 42 years old and have self medicated with food for over 30 years. I want to live. Really live. I have joined a womans gym and lost 17inches, 9 lbs. all to lose focus for a month and undo all I had worked hard to do in 6 months. I have never had self discipline. I have had a selfish upbringing and I need to get honest and get real. If I want to change my self sabotaging, I have to stick to plan. This is my new plan. I am going to blog about how I am doing. I am so inspired by the people here that stick with plan, and make their weight loss journey a success story. I want to do the same. I want to be accountable, and find success by changing my mindset once and for all, and by shedding the pounds that hold me down. Today is the first day of the rest of my life! Today I will burn more energy than the calories I take in. Today I am swimming up and pushing against all things that cause me to anchor down.