Friday, February 01, 2013
This blog is meant to be honest - with you all but especially myself. A few of you have told me that I inspire you; while I am grateful for the comment, I feel like the last three weeks have been the opposite of that. I've let you all down. More importantly, I've been letting myself down.
Three weeks ago, I caught a stomach virus, and it took all week to recover. Right after that, I had a sinus infection that left me miserable. After finally feeling better, I was determined to get back on track, but it didn't happen. In fact, there's no excuse for last week. The only thing that happened last week was that I fell back into my old habits of being lazy and gluttonous. It's taken it's toll on me mentally and physically.
I don't know if it's just laziness or truly no energy, but I haven't worked out in about three weeks. I've wanted to. By the time I get home, all I want to do is lay down. So, I do just that. No motivation.
I really struggle with food. I love chicken alfredo, nachos, potato chips, candy, chips and salsa, etc. When I'm doing well with food, my mind tempts me with these yummy, fattening foods, and 90% of the time, I give in. To be honest, when I do well and I allow myself a "free" meal, I feel so so guilty for it which spawns even more "free" meals. I end up feeling so defeated.
Every Thursday and Friday, I give myself a pep talk: "Ok Sam, this weekend is going to be different. You'll exercise, make healthy choices in regards to food, and get eight cups of water in! You can do this!" But the truth is, I never do. In fact, when Monday rolls around, I'm always regretful of how I treated the weekend. For some reason, the weekend just feels like a vacation for me. While I give myself the pep talk, I truly know that it won't happen. It's really a wasted energy. It's been this way since I began my journey in mid-June.
After some time of thinking this morning, I feel like I don't belong on Spark anymore because I haven't changed my habits. I've tried, but like I said, they don't stick on the weekends. So what's the point? Truthfully, I don't feel like I will ever reach my goal. Maybe I'm destined to be this gluttonous, lazy girl. I don't even feel worthy of the pounds that I did lose.
So the truth is out. I'm sorry to any one who may have been inspired by me; in fact, I'm just ashamed of myself. I truly hope that all of you will reach your goals. Please don't be like me. Make the changes. Be happy.