Friday, February 01, 2013
Sometimes things that are meant to help you on your journey can hinder it. I've experienced this with my scale and I'm going to tell you about it.
Everyone has one - one of those little bathroom scales. It usually just sits there, but when you're on a quest to lose weight and get fit it can be used once a week, once a day or sometimes multiple times a day (obsessive much?). Well my scale, the last time I checked, said I was 289 lbs. I'll give you a moment to pick up your jaw and then I'll remind you that when I started this journey I was about 330 lbs. So, yeah...I felt okay about that!
Anyways, once I REALLY got into working out again I started weighing myself once a week. I thought it would be a good measure of my progress and help me stay motivated. I could SEE the change in myself and in my clothes. They fit differently and I was noticing that I was actually able to see some definition in my muscles but the scale saw nothing. Literally for 4 weeks I saw NO change - not up or down - exactly the same weight. I thought my scale was broken so I weighed myself at the gym after a workout. Same weight. No change. And then it happened - I got frustrated. "Why the HELL aren't I losing more weight?!" I'd say to my husband, who would always respond with something like "You're working hard, you're being very healthy and you look beautiful! You'll lose it soon...right now you're building muscle!" But it wasn't helping. I started to think about giving up...
Then I had an ah-ha moment. What the hell was I doing letting my scale, which is just a device I have to HELP me, dictate how I felt about my body?! What was wrong with me?! I KNEW I was working hard. I KNEW something was changing in my body (my clothes are all kinds of weird sizes right now!). And I KNEW that no matter what the scale was saying I could NOT give up. I would NOT let myself go back to what I was before. It was NOT happening. So I took my scale, took out the batteries, and put it under a basket in the bathroom. I didn't take it away - I think it serves as a good reminder of where I want to go - but I didn't want to focus on it and let it run my life.
So, I haven't weighed myself in 2 months. I don't know if I'm down much, but I know I won't be up. And you know what? Right now, I don't care. I want to continue on this journey and I need to do it in a way that motives me. The scale didn't work, it made me upset, it made me obsess, and it made me think about quitting. And that's not something I'm willing to do.
I will weigh myself again, but right now I'm focusing on how I feel, how I look, how my energy, stamina, and mood have improved and how differently my clothes are fitting. Those, to me, are all positive signs that I am on the right track. And I won't let me scale drag me back down!