Friday, February 01, 2013
To my spark family
As you may have notice I am not blogging as often as I use to.
Many evenings I thought about writing but my emotions were too extreme to translate them into words. I am working on myself at the moment. I am working on finding a balance with my feelings so that it won't affect my work, nutrition and my daily activities.
It is not easy. I have a past with eating disorders.
I thought it was gone, that it would fade away. But as I have lost all this weight.
I am feeling healthy again, I am learning to love my body. I am traumatised that it may be creeping back.
Some signs are back. (panicking when there is too much food, controlling food, wanting too much food). It is difficult to distinguish them with just a normal healthy habit.
The past few weeks. I have been back in therapy.
This time it was a conscious decision. I wanted to go and talk to someone.
In the past, I went to therapy, I was talked into it. Pressured so I could stay in school.
The condition was that if I gained the weight back, I was allowed to continued boarding school. So I did gain the weight back, and more and more until I was obese.
Today, I can run, I box, I went back to bikram yoga. I feel healthy and active again.
These new changes, I am very very close to my goal weight. BUT
I am terrified of WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT !!!
I never want to go back to OBESITY !!!
and I never want to go through ANOREXIA either !!!
I am in a fragile transition phase.
It stresses me.
I am scared.
Does anyone have any TIPS?
How do you deal with your changing habits?
With people's reaction, when you refuse cake or candy or going to mac donalds?
When you would rather exercise than sleep in?
Please tell me.
One word, two words, an essay. I don't mind.
Love and Light