January was a month of true change. My tendon tear and the need for the cortisone shot, made me take a hard look at my life and if this was the path I wanted to go down for the rest of my life. The short answer: No. And though I love my job if I don't do something about my arm and the rest of my body, I'm not going to be able to do this till I retire. I need to be in shape. So I pulled out those hard questions and made myself answer them.
Why am I overweight?: I've used food to deal with my emotions rather than feel and deal. I don't (didn't) feel worthy of love from anyone or myself. Because of both of these I allowed life to just happen and pretend that this is the life I wanted and I was happy with it.
Why do you want to lose weight?: Because I'm not happy and this isn't the life I want. I want better for myself and my family. I want to love myself again.
Why haven't you been successful to date?: I was afraid and didn't feel I was allowed to be happy. Afraid of the changes, afraid to deal with the emotions I've let sit buried under 100+ lbs of weight. Afraid to fail, afraid to feel.
Not anymore. I opened up that can of worms that has held me back, dealt with the feelings (hurt, guilt, fear) and forgave myself. It wasn't easy dredging up those memories and dealing with them but it has been worth every tear. I'm starting to like myself (love will come with time and work), I remind myself everyday I'm not that same person I was 20 yrs ago, or even 1 yr ago. I'm working on a new me. The new me is driven to embrace life to not waste another day or year, to be fit and healthy.
That was step one.
Step two: change my food. This wasn't hard as I had been trying to eat better, just had to find the inner strength to drop all junk foods, drink lots of water, strive to eliminate all refined/processed foods, eat more veggies/fruits and limit my animal products - source out TRUE free-range, grass fed, organic sources. Been doing well with it.
Step three: exercise. Just get up and do it. I didn't realize how much I like my exercise program till I was told I can't do it. Key right now is to not push my arm, but push my lower half - it's not injured. And any exercise is good exercise for the whole body.
Progress for January: Started Jan 11 at 239 lbs. Feb. 1st: 229.7 lbs = 9 lb loss (roughly). Which averages out to 3 lbs a week for this month since coming back. Though I didn't log it, I did my measurements in the beginning and though I'm bigger than I was last time I posted them (which I didn't deal with well) I have lost an inch on my waist and hips. Not to shabby for getting my butt off the couch and filling my body with fuel it can use.
Going into February not only feeling great but also looking forward to it. I'm on track to be 225 by my birthday at the end of the month, and working towards the goal of being able to get back to my Kettle bell workout.
This is the background on my laptop: