Friday, February 01, 2013
I just feel like giving up. I can't seem to find my weight loss groove. I've started going to the gym for the past two months, but still the scale won't budge. If anything, its gotten worse! Although my clothes fit better, so maybe I just gained some muscle, but still!!! Ever month my baby gets older I feel more depressed about the whole thing because I still haven't lost the weight, or am at least on a good streak.
I'm emotional eating again because it just feels like there is nothing for me. I try and take time for myself, but its so hard. Everything is about the baby now and we're planning on having a second and I'm freaking out, because how am I going to manage this? I feel responsible for everyone! My baby, my husband, my 89 year old grandma who has no one else but me, both of our Moms who aren't getting any younger and will start to need more and more help. I feel like such a failure in my career. Performance-wise I'm 28 and I still haven't had a role and I probably never will now that my c-section has destroyed my body. What's the point of trying to get my voice back in shape when I'm just going to get pregnant again? My student numbers are down and I'm considering quitting teaching altogether and just being an office worker. So I just turn to food and stuff my feelings.
Thanks for listening, I just need to get this out. I'm tearing up as I write this. Hopefully I will find my groove some day soon, I'll just keep trying.