Friday, February 01, 2013
I began walking and recommitted to tracking both my food and my fitness via sparkpeople on January 9th 2013. I began the month weighing 293 pounds (still slightly elevated from all the fluids they pumped into me during surgery. Pre-surgery I was around 290. Immediately post-surgery, I tipped the scales at 299). As of January 31, I weighed 277. That's 16 pounds gone in one month. I'm pretty pleased.
As for fitness, I walked 232 miles between January 9 and January 31. That's an average of slightly more than 10 miles per day for the 23 days I was committed to this. My goal was to shoot for 5 miles a day, but walking feels better than sitting, so I just kept going and it became a fun challenge to see if I could maintain my stats.
It's hard to believe that just 5.5 weeks ago, I had major surgery. I feel great- so much better than I did pre-op. And I love knowing that I can work out without the fear of intense pain. I still have about 4 weeks to go before I'm medically cleared for more strenuous activity. It's driving me crazy because I'd love to get into an actual gym and work out in some different ways, but I also know that I only get one chance to heal properly, and I definitely don't want to experience any complications or major setbacks. Patience is something I need to work on!
I've also been thinking about how I got to where I was. I think I'm generally pretty introspective, and I absolutely believe that I won't get anywhere dealing with the physical weight if I don't address the emotional issues that lead to me packing on those pounds. I know I've written before at length about the reasons that I felt my weight benefitted me. I do truly believe that, on certain occasions, my size saved my life. But I've also realized that, since then, I've taken control of my life. My father, the person who regularly threatened my safety, is no longer a part of my life and has not been for years. I cannot continue to allow my fear of his violence to dictate the terms of my life. I can only truly heal from what he did to me by taking charge of my life, losing this weight, and living my dreams.
I want to live a big life. I want to inspire people to step outside of their comfort zones and try new things. I want to experience as much as I possibly can, and at nearly 300 pounds, there are a lot of things I just can't do.
Part of my dream life does involve food. It has to, right? We all have to eat to sustain ourselves. I love good food. I love going to new restaurants and trying interesting new dishes. This needs to be built into my lifestyle as I work toward losing this weight. I'm not the sort of person who will be going to restaurants and asking for all sorts of modifications to the foods I order. Maybe that would be okay if we were eating at chain restaurants, but it would be positively offensive at the sorts of restaurants we go to. I'm much happier knowing that if I pay careful attention to what I eat 5-6 days a week, I can splurge, guilt-free, for a meal or two.
I'm realizing that the formula for success in major weight loss is going to be slightly different for everyone. We each have to assess which things are going to be sustainable in our lives. For me, it's helpful to visualize what I want my life to look like.
What's helpful for you? What keeps you motivated? What does your dream life look like?