Thursday, January 31, 2013
The last month has been emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting. The 1st issue was if we were going to move or not. Well, that wound up not happening because the guy couldn't close on the house. Ironically, I'm glad it happened the way it did. I was really leaning toward just wanting to stay in our house, now we'll be able to do just that. If we decide later this year that we want to move, we'll move back to TX.
Then you add into the emotions of the anniversary of Josh and Maddie's passing. This year really kicked my ass with it being the 5 year anniversary. We spent 2 days at Disney and really didn't do a whole lot, other then drinking. I know probably not the best thing to do but it helped to be completely numb for those 2 days.
Then during all of the above I started having neck pain and wasn't quite sure what was going on. Yes, I'm a procrastinator and didn't get to the doctor until yesterday. She assured me it was just muscle stuff going on and gave me a msucle relaxer. Well, the relaxer alone isn't helping and I got barely any sleep last night. I finally had to wake up around 4am and pop some extra strength Tylenol and was able to get some sleep finally. I took anothe round of meds about an hour ago and hoping I'll be able to at least sleep through the night.
I know the next few months are going to knock me on my ass. They always do. I had a friend tell me today "Oh you'll be better come Feb 1st." PFFT, I wish. I'll sludge through this time of year like I do every year. Some days are easier to cope with then others but I'll manage. I know I'm going to be a bear of a person to put with the next few months and luckily Alan is a great guy. He's been there for me, even on the days where I don't even want him around. That helps when I'm feeling disconnected from everyone else in my life. I feel like its been 5 years and people jsut don't want Josh and Maddie mentioned anymore. I feel myself drifting further and further from people and I don't even have the energy to try to save friendships right now. All I'm worried about right now is keeping my own head above water. I don't have the mental capacity to worry about others right now.
The year hasn't started off that great as a whole but I'm hoping things will start to look up. These last 31 days have kicked my butt.