ARGH Pain is making me frustrated

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Oh man Allie is wanting a nice walk, hubby put her out and she didnt' do any biz. she just loves it outside. I am not taking her out right now. Had to take oxycotin cos of the pain in my mid back. I am sure most of it is from her when the darn leash catches and we both don't realize it is going to. I know how far she can go and it will catch, but sometimes it snap catches. Old leash from our other dog so tomorrow a new leash will be bought. We also borrowed dd martingale collar to start her with. We said at 6 months which she will be on the 3rd.
So hoping that is what is causing this pain cos never had it till the past month or so but wow puts me right out of commision. Between my constant lower back, then that I am so so so thankful that my sciatica is not flared LOL Poor dad keeps saying go lay down, do to the dr. Well nothing dr will do and he knows you can't get into him like that. and laying down is torture til I totally relax. Oh well this too will pass and many more are way worse than I am.

Hoping my spark buddy comes on MSN as we have a chat date. lol Going to do the 100 days together which will be good.

Tomorrow a new month, new commitment and new hope. LOL AHHA the pain tomorrow can't be any worse than the pain 35 years ago when I had my first baby LOL oh but he was so worth it. He is working both his jobs tomorrow so no chance to see him for long. We haven't decided if we are going to go out for lunch or not he may not even have time but usually can.

Even with this pain I am still in the mood to get this change going. The rest of this year canNOT be like Jan was. This is ridiculous and can not continue. My body mind and life deserve better of me. I am too old to be not taking care of myself better especially since I do know how. I read somewhere today "Eat high quality and nutritious food, and get in tons of veggies. That’s it. Don’t overanalyze it. " -Jen Comas Keck she has it down pat and it can't get much simpler than that. Totally my issue overanalyzing it and worrying about how to do it. My God my eating would be so much better if I did just that.

I am excited to see February come and I am willing to meet it head on with a better life in store. I do feel as if I have to apologize to me, and all my spark friends. I so feel as if I am a fraud, and am lying to you all, but worst of all to myself. I say all this and then last a day if that. Maybe 2 wks or so on a good run. Then get very down on myself and think what good is it or am I if I can't even be true to myself. I wouldn't do this to a friend so why to me.

Thanks to so many of you for being here, for believing in me even when I don't believe in myself. But will end this with a positive - I have started strength training still more upper than lower but have to say I do like it and have been consistent for over a week. There is some light at the end of this tunnel.

Keep thinking oh I would love to help women that can' get started or stay started. Not sure how but some way some how I just may accomplish that! I did think what if I got my natural nutrition degree and my sil has her personal trainer papers and we could go together and help and or teach classes of some sort.

So it isn't that I don't want to do this, just seem to not get off the carb addiction I really do feel it is an addiction or just a sugar one. If people can get off drugs illegal or legal then I can "get off" sugar and carbs ( well not eat as many as I do).

Here's to a new month and a new plan. Now to go chat and or lay down this meds is making me really hot and dizzy. NO more of that, so much for hubby saying take 1.5 the most you can cos the pain was so bad. pain is lessening but feel nauseous and lightheaded. lol

HUGS to you all.

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