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Anxious for tomorrow!

Thursday, January 31, 2013

So tomorrow is a pretty big day to me in many many ways. But the biggest is that it is my first weigh in of the year! I told myself I would wait a month before weighing myself again because I would be starting to work out which means more muscle but also really focusing on eating healthy.

I know that by gaining muscle mass I very well could end up in a situation where I don't lose any weight but lose inches. Truth be told as much as the scale may or may not change, the changes that I have made are far more significant. And I'm starting to be really happy with my body. Tomorrow I will measure my fitness level against my needs to get drafting for diving.

I'm not going to lie though. Finding the motivation to get good workouts in has been much harder than I had expected. I'm definitly more active than I was three weeks ago but it's not enough to get me blowing records out of the water. It's not that I dont' want it bad enough. Or maybe it is. I think that in some ways that because I have to wait till the divorce is finalized and with that not having a definite deadline maybe obscuring my "need" to get my butt in gear. Because now it's commentary in my head is more of, Well I have at least 2 months before I can even enlist so I should take it slow and gradually increase my activity instead of "balls to the walls" so it's ok if I don't get a work out in here or there. NOT!!! It's not ok. The physicality involved cannot have that kind of mentality!

By making excuses I am only cutting myself short. I am only hurting me, and at the end of the day when I get to the point and I don't get drafted I'm going to be looking back on these months and think well I should have and I could have but I choose not to. Point blank. And I'm going to hate myself for it.

So I will do it. I will hold myself accountable. I will not beat myself up when I fumble, BUT I will remind myself what choosing to not do, it will cost me.

I will get there. Life will get in the way, but I can't change that, I have to adapt and evolve, and I will.
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