Trying to help myself
Thursday, January 31, 2013
I'm about 4 years out from gastric bypass. I reached my lowest weight 160 while traveling to Vegas to visit a bf. It was very difficult to maintain when we broke up. I found myself very happy at 170, afterall that was a 130lb weight loss. I've been seeing a man I love beyond belief and as we've had some ups and lots of downs lately I find my weight up to 190. I have startedback to the YMCA, but a very low disability income means I can only go twice a week if that. I'm using eating at night to help me feel better. I no longer feel like cooking regular meals. Even though I see a therapist it' s slow going. I feel like I'm a mess. Away from my girls because I moved a year ago to be close to him, I feel alone, lonely. I've been reading Spark articles on motivation and emotinal eating. I decided to try blogging to help me deal with my emoions. Trying to follow my Dr's advice and keep busy, get out as much as I can, exercise and fnd friends to be with. I've set some small goals for myself. Right now I have reached all but the new one I set on here to loose weight. I do need to follow up on my volunteering at a Chamber of Comm in the next town. Again money to buy gas is a huge problem but hoping I can work it out. I laid out something last night to cook. I didn't do it. I used a gift cert at the local bar and grill to buy chili and spent evening with friends. That did help and I didn't over eat. I'm planning on cooking my supper tonight so I eat a heathy balanced meal. About 3-4 ozs of pork tenderloin, mushroon rice with cranberries. I don't eat much rice & pasta anymore but once in a while they do help stretch the food budget. I went to the Y on Tues and will go tmrw since it's payday. I work out on several machines upstairs and do that for about 40 minutes then I go downstairs and swim for about 30-40 minutes. Any longer than that I'm so sore I can't sleep. My degeranitive muscle, disk, joint etc diesease/arthritis causes me pain. I hear I'm strong, I've been through so much already. Well I get sick of having to be strong. I want that wonderful feeling of having a good man with me 24/7. I will keep working on myself, that I promise. I just can't give up.