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Well you didn't gain it all in a day

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Here's how I perceived my regain back from 270 (lowest post baby, December 2011 -- which was down from 335 December 2010) to 315 (December 2012, back on track). I knew I had basically never lost from the time I decided I would start trying to lose (6 weeks post-partum) to my shakeup a month ago. I know I had stepped on scale around 285 in April, before a trip I took, and thought I had gradually gained the weight back. I vaguely remembered a couple of half-hearted attempts to track food, each of which fizzled fairly quickly (I suspect in part because of the lack of exercise).

But I just checked my historic weight trend on Spark and I see that I weighed in at 272 in mid-June 2012. (Which coincides roughly with that last attempt.) So I actually gained 43 lbs in six months. Wow! For all those who say you didn't put in on in a day, well, that's pretty fast -- I'd be glad to lose that much that fast!

So what happened? Honestly, I don't know. No exercise, that's definitely part of it. Frequent stops at CVS on the way to work to stock up on chocolate or at Krispy Kreme for donuts -- they helped as well. At the end of July we had some terrifying medical developments in my family. My baby sister called me at work one day confused and alone in an airport she didn't know how she got to. Luckily, it was our home town, and she had gotten on the right plane in her departure city. I say luckily because she was far from lucid. I don't live there anymore, but I kept her on the line while I got my parents to go get her. She was confused and paranoid all day, and then completely delusional and psychotic the next. She ended up spending 2 weeks catatonic in a psychiatric ward and many more months recovering from what the doctors suspect was the sudden onset of bipolar disorder. As you can imagine, it was a terrifying time. I'd like to blame some of my own descent into my own mental/eating demons on that, but I remember at the time eating through a whole bag of M&Ms and thinking to myself that well, it's okay, because I'm going through so much stress right now. And knowing that was stupid.

43 lbs in 6 months. Think I can lose it again in 6 months? Hm. Well, between December 2010 and May of 2011 I lost about that amount. Then I realized I was pregnant and went into maintenance mode at about 290 (at my weight, there's no need to gain during pregnancy). I went up and down a few pounds during the pregnancy, but went in to deliver at 290 and came home at 270 -- which I then maintained for six months, give or take 15 pound fluctuations. So maybe.

Though 270 is a number that hates me. It is just under the morbid obesity line at my height, and so a significant number for me, but also the number at which I stall and then regain. But that's another post. I'll write it when I get back there.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLISS_OM 2/1/2013 12:31PM

    Thank you for sharing this post. Your honesty is inspiring because I've certainly been there and I'm sure many others on this site have, too. You have courageously voiced the struggle, but also your commitment to change, to reversing the pattern, to remitting yourself, to your Self and Highest Good. That's AWESOME!!!! I support you 110%! emoticon emoticon



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*MAMA*2*BOYS* 1/31/2013 11:08PM

    Yes, you absolutely can lose 43 pounds in 6 months! I KNOW you can! Things happen in life and many of us, myself definitely included, have spent years going up and down all over the place. But that is in the past, and right now, you are doing what needs to be done to get you down not just to 270, but to your goal weight! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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