Thursday, January 31, 2013
I'm still eating well, within my calorie range and no sugar for 9 days (gonna make today 10!). YAY ME! I haven't been moving as much as I intended this week, but hopefully by eating well I'll still be down a pound on Monday weigh in. I had cramps all day yesterday and still have them today (so lovely being a woman) so that's part of why I didn't feel like moving. Though I'm sure moving would've helped them some! So I'm planning to walk today cuz I got into work early enough. Tomorrow morning I will do one of my SP DVD workouts before coming into work. This weekend I will get in a longer walk but will also be working hard helping my parents empty 2 rooms of their house and then paint said rooms cuz they're getting new carpet in them next week. So packing stuff up, moving it out and painting should burn at least a few calories!
I also had dinner with my cousin last night. She's only 3 months older than me, my only female cousin on either side of the family, and is definitely more like a sister to me. She's always been really thin, and lost even more weight recently during a hard relationship breakup. So I'm sitting across from her while she eats half of this huge tasty fried thing and then has cheesecake cuz she's trying to gain weight. Lol. I wasn't really tempted by her food or her dessert, and I'm glad for her that she's working on her goals (she's not just eating more, she's also started going back to the gym to build some muscle - she's being pretty healthy about gaining weight and not wanting to be a size zero with nothing but bones instead of curves and muscles).
Both our moms (they're sisters) are heavy so she knows losing weight is hard for them and me. In the genetic lottery that gave her the figure and metabolism from her dad's side of the family, I got one just like both our moms. So I told her about my goals and my plans to reach them. And she was really proud of me and instantly supportive. She asked if she shouldn't've ordered the cheesecake or if she should get it to go (this was before it arrived at the table), didn't want to tempt me if it would make it harder for me to reach my goals. I told her no, I'm fine. I'm still in the first couple of weeks of my renewed determination and so I'm not tempted to sway in the slightest right now. But in another few weeks, I might ask her to not eat dessert in front of me. ;) She cheered me on and listened attentively and said my goals sound reasonable, and if she can help let her know, and is glad I found the thing to make me determined and make it stick. She knows you have to find a thing, a reason to want to change (up or down or just getting stronger or whatever). Whether it's being fed up, wanting to lift so many pounds, wanting to fit into that dress (or fill out that dress in her case) or run that marathon or whatever, you need inspiration and a goal.
I've said before that something in your brain has to "click" and you decide it's time and there's nothing going to stop you. I've had that "click" once before, and it got me to lose about 36 pounds before my wedding. And then life happened and the changes weren't all permanent (gained back 25 pounds over 2.5 years). And I got to watch first hand how after the "click" you still have to work at it and find renewed determination or you can undo all your hard work. Which I have. Well, not all, but too much. So I've had another "click" and I'm determined. This has gone on long enough. I've spent enough years not wearing the clothes I want to wear, not being able to walk up 3 flights of stairs without being out of breath, hating how I look, feeling like my self worth is diminished in proportion to how far over a "healthy" weight I am, seeing the doctor's expression at every annual checkup, watching my mother and seeing EXACTLY where I'm headed if I don't take care of this and learn a better way now. It's time. This has gone on long enough. As I told my cousin at dinner last night: It's time to f*ing fix this sh!t.
I know what I need to do. I'm doing it. Onward and Downward.