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    HOT-MOMMY   13,769
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My Defiant Daughter

Thursday, January 31, 2013

My 4-year-old daughter seems to live to defy me. Last night, I picked out her outfit for her Tumbling class. This morning, she decided to make a huge mess in her room and lose her leotard. I told her not to touch her outfit or she would not be able to attend her class today. I try not to make empty threats, so since she chose to be defiant and lose her leotard, she is staying home in her room today.

It is just an extra slap in the face that she chooses to do this with this class. I am unemployed and babysit 2 kids for extra money. I choose to use part of this money to pay for her Tumbling class. I am really considering not letting her attend this class any more because of her behavior towards me. Babysitting a 6-month-old baby is not easy, and this is the money that pays for her class. If she is just going to be rude to me, I'm not going to pay for her class.

I wish that she would just learn that her actions have consequences. We ran into this same issue last week and it had the same result. I hope next week, there is a different result, but I doubt it. Punishments don't seem to phase her. She just repeats bad behavior over and over again.

I am trying to get her more physically active, because she is already overweight. It is rainy here, so it is hard to find a nice day to go outside. Unfortunately, she seems to take after my husband's side of the family. She has his metabolism, and I'm afraid she'll also end up with diabetes and fat in her liver, like him, too.

Any advice on dealing with defiant children is appreciated.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETHIEBOOPS 2/6/2013 1:25AM

    *hugs* I'm sorry! I don't have little kids, but I have distinct memories of being overweight in a tumbling class, and getting chased around by the (male) teacher to give him kisses when I didn't tumble correctly. I would give my mom hell before going to the class too. All I'm saying is that maybe it's not the right environment for her?

Also, from my experience aupairing, I highly doubt a 4 year old has the ability to understand that you work hard for her to go to class. Cause and effect is still developing and the concept of money is very abstract. She's just learning who she is in the world, and that she has control over what happens in her life. I promise she's not trying to drive you crazy! *hugs*

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FITMARY 1/31/2013 3:08PM

    I approach the subject with caution because I have only sons and they are all grown now. But it seems to me that this is classic behavior for her age group. She isn't doing it to defy you but more to define herself. Knowing that may not make it much easier for you to deal with the inevitable chaos that 4-year-olds bring into our lives: ) but at least it might help you not take it so personally.

Could it be that she just doesn't like the class for some reason? If so, it may not be worth your hard-earned money (which she is too young to understand so don't even mention that issue to her) and you'll have to find another way to sneak in exercise. But try to be sneaky about it because kids that age often resist anything they think their parents are forcing on them. Maybe some dance videos that you can both dance to? There are probably some free at the library.

But if you know that she does like the class and has lots of fun with it, then it's probably worth the effort. I would let her pick out her own outfit the night before (praise her and go with her choice, even if it's a crazy outfit---that doesn't matter!). Then have her put the clothes somewhere safe from being disturbed in a special Tumbling Class sack (this could be a paper bag with the words "Tumblers are Great!" written on it---very simple---or she could decorate a bag). That way she can see that it takes time to decide things and prepare for the event; it's a good lesson for the future. And if you do get it to work and she has a good time, then praise her for doing such a good job with getting ready on time, etc. That might make it a little easier the next time.

And don't forget to praise yourself too! Sounds like you are doing a great job with motherhood. It's SO HARD! But you are doing your very best and that is awesome. Please hang in there. It does get easier!
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