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18!? -Whhhaaat! Seriously, is that a compliment?

Thursday, January 31, 2013

So this morning the door bell rang. I was dressed for the day, had brushed my hair out, but hadn't put it up as I normally wear it, and had no make up on- so I thought, oh great, wonder who this could be. I sure didn't feel like being seen or having any long drawn out conversations with anyone. I answered to find a fedex driver with a package that needed to be signed for. As he handed me the stylus and pad to sign on, he asks, "you are over 18, right?" emoticon Well, being that I am 35!... I answered, "yeah" and kinda gave him one of those -have you had your eyes checked lately- looks. He replied, "Well, you look like your 18." So I thanked him for the compliment and signed for the package, which he handed over and went on his way.

I closed the door smiling- on the inside at least. My boyfriend and I had an argument last night and he slept in the living room. I didn't want to make that big of a deal over it, because I sure didn't want something else to cause tension- there's enough of that around here right now as it is. It sure feels good to get a compliment like that every once n a while... especially when you haven't heard anything like that from the one you hope to hear it from in so long.

After that I went ahead and pulled back my hair and put on my make up... and as I was looking in the mirror I wondered how he saw a teenager. My complexion does seem a little better... was it from drinking so much water every day? Maybe it was because my hair was down instead of up? Maybe it was the 'i dont give a crap attitude' that was written all over my face because of what was dealing with internally that seemed so teenage-ish... emoticon lol. Then my worst critic self emoticon raises its ugly head and tells me that it's probably the acne or the acne scars on my face that made him think that- because this problem is usually associated with teens. So instead of a compliment that made me feel good, it started turning into something else that made me feel bad about myself and the way I look. Man, this happens every time! emoticon It's like some part of me is afraid to feel good about myself... afraid that I'll take something as a compliment that wasn't meant to be one and I'll look stupid for believing that I actually got a compliment- as if I don't deserve to receive one. In fact, I'm wondering if that;s part of the reason I found it so difficult to smile at him in appreciation when he said that to me.

I have been working very hard all week to make good food choices, to drink plenty of water, and to exercise... and I have been doing very well at it. emoticon I don't want these negative thoughts taking over again and ruining what I am working for. So I stopped allowing those thoughts to go on. Well, I still had the thought- but I decided not to feed it. I'm choosing to take it as a compliment, because it makes me feel good and I can use it as motivation to stay on track. I need to practice doing this and keeping my mind healthy as well, otherwise I won't succeed. I know I am prone to depression and a positive mind-set is what I need to work on... it's what I AM working on. I only regret that I didn't smile or show some evidence of having feelings or a personality of any kind when this person was at my door. Who knows what he thought... or if he even gave it another thought. I just hope I didn't put a damper on his day.

I will get better at this, it's all a work in progress. emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MJ7DM33 1/31/2013 7:35PM

  What a great compliment! Accept it! I'm sure he sees lots of customers so he is a good judge! Lady you are obviously lookin' good! Again I say Accept it!

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MS_SWEETHEART 1/31/2013 5:44PM

    Push those negative thoughts out of your mind, and accept your compliment beautiful lady. emoticon

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