I had a really strange dream last night. I dreamt that I was at what seemed like a zoo. We were looking through the glass into a animal habitat with lots of water and these wooden structures with four sides and minimal wood. Looking up, I saw that there were people there, hanging on for dear life onto these wooden structures. They looked very frightened. I looked down below the water level, through the glass, to see large alligators! Tons of them! I saw the gators circling the wooden structures. In the blink of an eye, I found myself on one of the structures, fending off an alligators snap of his jaw. I was definately in fear, these gators were not only vicious, but they were huge too! They could overpower me in a moment!
I looked up alligators in my dream dictionary (I have a lot of strange dreams) and it had to do with deception and lies. But, I also looked up fear. Here is what it had to say about that...
This makes total sense to me. Right now in my life, I am struggling in finding a new job. I think part of the reason is that I don't know what I want to do with my life. Since I was young, I have always done things to please other people and "earn" praise, which fed my self-esteem. As you may have figured, my self-esteem became reliant on others words and I am now trying to change that. But, in being a people pleaser, I also surpressed the things I wanted in life. I don't remember ever saying when I was little that "I wanted to be a ___ when I grow up." I don't remember what that was or is. And now, I think my passions have been so far pushed down that I don't know which way is up anymore.
I had a second dream last night too...I went to a bar for a friends birthday. I didn't expect to see anyone else, but I did see someone from grad school and his wife. The two groups didn't know each other, but when I came back from the bar, I saw that they were all hanging out. I just felt really out of place and disconnected from the whole thing. I decided to say my goodbyes and head home.
I walked outside and it was daytime. There was a large, beautiful park to my left and lots of people walking around. The park had tons of cars and people were parallel parked wherever they could find a space. I was walking to may car and I see a red jeep try to pull out of a really tight space. It pushes the car in front of it about a foot, then backs up. Then just starts crashing into the car behind and in front of it to get out. I looked inside the jeep and there was a little boy crying. I felt so bad and saw that they jeep stopped. I helped the little boy out of the car and carried him to the park side of the road. I don't know what happened next, but right before I woke up, I knew I wasn't at the park anymore but heard the word "her" over and over again. It was almost robotic or like one of those pre-recorded messages you get on your home phone.
I am not sure what to make of the second dream, but I felt really out of sorts when I woke up. I realized that it was the same feeling I am having in my waking life as well.