OK, so I'm about to tell my secret goals on my SparkPage--won't be all that secret anymore, but I feel the need to tell them. Not sure if this is for other people, who may find solace knowing someone else may have the same feelings or desires, or if I just want to get it out there, so it doesn't have power over me anymore. Either way, I release the fear the shame that these goals represent.
1. My first goal is to weigh less than my husband.
This has brought me great shame over the years, especially since he is 6'4", and I'm not even close to that. I miss that I never got carried over the threshold, and not because he couldn't, but because I was embarrassed that I'd put his back out or kill him or something when he tried to lift me. Not sure if he knows what I weigh. Not sure if he's ever peeked at the Dr.'s office or at me updating my weight on SparkPeople. All I know is that he has never made me feel fat (even though I am) and that he tells me that I'm beautiful every single day, and for that, I'm grateful.
2. My second goal is to actually be able to take my wedding ring off.
It was kind of tight when we first got it over 10 years ago, but I was embarrassed to get a larger size. (There is that shame again.) Over the years, it has gotten so tight, that I haven't been able to take it off. I actually have dreams of taking it off, but then I wake up to my chubby little finger :).
3. My third goal is to buy off the rack in any store and not from the "Women's section".
Not an uncommon goal, but still embarrassing. I was an athlete, a tomboy growing up. I didn't really start to gain weight until my twenties, but I wasn't shaped like other little girls either. I can still remember being at Sears and the salesperson telling my mom that I needed the "husky" size. My heart sank then, and it does now whenever I go and try on clothes. Fluorescent lighting and three-way mirrors should be outlawed in dressing rooms, as far as I'm concerned.
So there they are. Ahhhhhhhh, I do feel liberated.
Update #1: 3/13/13 WooHoo! I was able to take my wedding ring off for the 1st time in over 9 years! So excited! Thank you SP for giving me the tools and thank you SparkFriends for giving me the support! Love you, guys!