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TXPATRIOT
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My Secret, Slightly Embarrassing Goals...

Thursday, January 31, 2013

OK, so I'm about to tell my secret goals on my SparkPage--won't be all that secret anymore, but I feel the need to tell them. Not sure if this is for other people, who may find solace knowing someone else may have the same feelings or desires, or if I just want to get it out there, so it doesn't have power over me anymore. Either way, I release the fear the shame that these goals represent.

1. My first goal is to weigh less than my husband.

This has brought me great shame over the years, especially since he is 6'4", and I'm not even close to that. I miss that I never got carried over the threshold, and not because he couldn't, but because I was embarrassed that I'd put his back out or kill him or something when he tried to lift me. Not sure if he knows what I weigh. Not sure if he's ever peeked at the Dr.'s office or at me updating my weight on SparkPeople. All I know is that he has never made me feel fat (even though I am) and that he tells me that I'm beautiful every single day, and for that, I'm grateful.

2. My second goal is to actually be able to take my wedding ring off.

It was kind of tight when we first got it over 10 years ago, but I was embarrassed to get a larger size. (There is that shame again.) Over the years, it has gotten so tight, that I haven't been able to take it off. I actually have dreams of taking it off, but then I wake up to my chubby little finger :).

3. My third goal is to buy off the rack in any store and not from the "Women's section".

Not an uncommon goal, but still embarrassing. I was an athlete, a tomboy growing up. I didn't really start to gain weight until my twenties, but I wasn't shaped like other little girls either. I can still remember being at Sears and the salesperson telling my mom that I needed the "husky" size. My heart sank then, and it does now whenever I go and try on clothes. Fluorescent lighting and three-way mirrors should be outlawed in dressing rooms, as far as I'm concerned.

So there they are. Ahhhhhhhh, I do feel liberated. emoticon

Update #1: 3/13/13 WooHoo! I was able to take my wedding ring off for the 1st time in over 9 years! So excited! Thank you SP for giving me the tools and thank you SparkFriends for giving me the support! Love you, guys!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v JHARP2
    1st) You have a good man! It is a beautiful thing that he has never once made you feel "fat".
    2nd) your goals are great!! I know it took a lot to say these in a blog for people to read. I am not going to lie- I didn't know blogs were public until mine got voted as popular and featured. It had my weight in it and that is something that only my doctor and I know... So I am not a in very- no shame zone. haha.
    3rd) my goals are similar except that I am not married. I have never been lighter than any of my boyfriends or guy friends! And I have had to special order my clothes since I was a little girl.

    CONGRATS on being able to take off your ring and for working your way towards all of your other goals, my friend!! emoticon Stay strong and stay motivated! I hope I can help with that along the way!!
    1211 days ago
  • v CAMEOBUTTER
    I love this. I feel so touched and inspired that you shared these goals with us.
    1229 days ago
  • v INNERJETTIC
    Wow. See all the people who relate with your feelings? Add me to that number. As for shopping off the rack, I did it when I lost all my weight the first time. It felt great to try on clothes that were previously off limits. I kept being surprised that I had to keep going back to get a smaller size. Ahh. The bliss of those day. I'm goin' back there!
    1237 days ago
  • v FAWNZIB
    I needed to read this! I smiled and laughed too. Right now all 3 stand true for me too. Sigh...
    1247 days ago
  • v 63KEEPONGOING
    Ditto for me, too, what you are saying! See, aren't you glad you shared your secrets with us. We are in this together.
    Pulling for you girl. Don't quit! You will make it. YOU WILL!
    1257 days ago
  • v TXPATRIOT
    Thank you, everyone, for the encouragement from the bottom of my heart! emoticon
    1268 days ago
  • v OPTIMIST1948
    LOL! Dont be ashamed of vanity goals. After all, you will still have to face yourself in those darned mirrors.
    1268 days ago
  • v LOLATURTLE
    I can definitely relate!

    I was fat when I got married, too, so my rings actually do fit. My husband is shorter than me so I'll probably always be heavier! It would be nice though, to be around the same weight or less than him!

    But I DREEEEEEEEEEAM of shopping any old place. AHHHHH I can't WAAAAIT.
    1268 days ago
  • v FUSIONFITNESS3
    As you can see many can relate to your goals so not so strange afterall. I get exactly what you're talking about.
    I am impressed that you had the courage to share for the benefit of your Spark Pals but even more importantly that you've shared for your own liberation. You're ready to move forward. Congrats.

    Maria
    1268 days ago
  • v CINDYAST
    Your number one was my number one for the longest time! My husband is 6' 1" and I'm 5'6", I hated being heavier than him! And I NEVER let him know how much I weighed, are you kidding me! No way! The day I FINALLY was below him, I cried. I started out at 245lbs. (started losing before I found SparkPeople) and was a 24 womens size. I had another goal like yours, being able to shop in the "regular" section for clothes. Just a couple of weeks ago, I bought a 12 misses jean for the first time since I was a newlywed.You CAN DO THIS!!!! I'm proof that it's possible. I still have a way to go, but finally think I can make it. And you can too!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1268 days ago
  • v SIMONEKP
    I relate to #3, it's on my goal sheet
    1268 days ago
  • v NIKKICOLE83
    I can totally relate to everything you say, especially about wanting to weigh less than your husband. Hell, I wouldn't even mind weighing close to mine. There was a long time that I was afraid for him to know what I weighed. Just keep at it and all of your goals will happen. I have been engaged 5 months and my ring is a size and half too big already. emoticon
    1268 days ago
  • v EMMAEKAY
    Oh girly! These are SO similar to my goals, I can sympathize! I have also weighed more than my fiance for the entirety of our relationship. He's a tall, muscular 215 and up until last week, I was a dumpy, chunky 300. I'm only about 10 pounds away from finally weighing less than him now! I'm really excited to hit that goal - and you know what? You will definitely hit it, too!
    1268 days ago
  • v LULUBELLE65
    I think your goals are great! I dream about shopping in regular stores, and actually cried in Old Navy last summer when I could finally fit into an xxl in some of their clothes.
    1268 days ago
  • v ADARKARA
    You can totally do it! I've lost 2 ring sizes since I started. Those are great goals!
    1268 days ago
  • v ERICADAWN1986
    Great reasons to stay motivated! You will get there if you keep taking steps forward every day! emoticon
    1268 days ago
  • v GRANDMABABA
    Great goals! Thanks for haring. Much success!
    1268 days ago
  • v SAM60SUMTHINK
    emoticon Your goals are very REAL and I appaud you for having them. Each one makes sense to me; to me, these are heartfelt goals much more solid than flimsy numbers!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1268 days ago
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