Wednesday, January 30, 2013
I am back home again and blogging in the cab on my way to the house. Thank goodness that trip is over! The training course was fun and my training companions ranged from pleasant to hilarious, but most of all right now I just want to hold my little sons and feel them all warm against me. They will be sound asleep--I can't wait for them to wake up tomorrow so I can hug them. Feels like a lot longer than four days.
I sat in the hotel lobby with one of my colleagues for six hours--long after the rest had cleared out and we had finished our Thai delivery, we drank her bottle of wine from Target and laughed about everything and she told me the story of how she got hired, and we listened to the thunderclaps and felt relieved when the tornado watches were finally lifted. By the time I went to bed after eleven I was seriously worried about how I would feel this morning, but miraculously I had no hangover and no wooziness--just felt a bit tired.
At the airport, I finally allowed myself a treat: an incredibly rich brownie from Starbucks, and a decaf, although the cocoa in the dessert probably made up for the lack of caffeine in the coffee! And I haven't felt that good eating something that rich in a long time. Even though I blasted through my calories today, I was so good, so easily, all week, seeing these amazing results and FEELING so much more in control, making choices I finally know are right, that it was no problem at all. Once a brownie or a cookie would tip me into insanity. It is amazing and refreshing to know now that just one can actually be satisfying, and even more so because I know I will be okay waiting for the next one, which might not be for days, and that's okay. It doesn't make me want to panic, or hide treats somewhere so that I know I will have them at hand if I "need" them. I won't, I don't, and I don't need to. Me. Amazing. Turns out I can change, after all.