Crying on the Bathroom floor.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Yep that was me earlier... and the funny part is that as I looked up I saw the really crappy caulking job on the bottom of the counter and I almost had to laugh. It's just been one of those days. I'm doing fine, sometimes you just have to fall apart.
My basement is flooded at the moment, not due to weather but to a clogged drain. Lovely. I can barely afford my normal bills right now let alone anything unexpected. And after the nightmare I had last night/this morning, I was spent.
So I wasn't going to post what was in my nightmare but then I got to thinking that I should. I'm used to having nightmares, been having them since I was a kid. However, last night was different. My nightmares had actually stopped, so this is actually the first one in like 6 months. It wasn't my typical nightmare either, which is why I'm soo affected by it.
So I do believe all dreams have meaning, they are the connection we have with our subconcious. Some dreams aren't that complicated. Others are. It also helps to know what I believe in because what might be a nightmare to one isn't necessarily to another. So I believe that the "living" doesn't just extend to what we can see. So I do believe in ghosts, spirits, demons, angels and what not. So I have always found those things fascinating, and of course usually watch the movies regarding it. I'm also fascinated by exorcisms. Any who, my dream/nightmare was unusually weird even for me. And not to mention I remember parts of it in great detail. I think it means something though I have no idea what. So here goes.
So the really weird part is that is started out as a really good dream. I was near home but found this place that I never knew it existed. It was the most beautiful place I had ever seen. There were rocks, cliffs, and waterfalls. The colors were soo vivid, it was like they were on steriods. The water was bright, cystal, blue, and cold. So this was the first part of my dream that I remember, the last part I remember was getting in the water.
The next thing I remember I was in a house, there were three other females around me. Two I don't know who they were. The one was named emily. I believe actually it was the "emily" from the movie "exorcism of emily rose" and we were trying to save her? I kept screaming at her that she needed to talk to god, that everything would be alright if she just talked to god. As I was screaming at her, she just kept moaning at me, contortioning herself and looking at me with blacked out eyes, and never breaking eye contact. I reached for her, as I was crying while screaming, and she reached to touch me but I jerked awake at this point. I jerked awake cuz no joke the cat touched me exactly where I was going to be touched in my dream, and I knew whatever I was going to feel in my dream was going to be excruiciating. It was 6:24 when I woke. I was completely freaked out, all I could feel was the cat touching me, my heart was racing, and I was shaking. Now I don't think of myself as believing in God, so me screaming at someone to talk to god is really weird in of itself. And I was trying to save her. I had this connection with here in the dream that was like blood only in real life she's means nothing to me.
It took me a bit to get back to sleep, but that's because my body and mind were heading straight back into the nightmare. I could feel it so I just kept fighting sleep. I'd try to calm myself by thinking of something that made me feel safe but it would quickly dissolve back to my nightmare. Finally I couldn't fight it anymore. So the last part. There was a guy my age, good looking, and we were fighting over who emily was. He kept telling me that I needed to go find her and save her. But I didn't want to find her.
It's not very often that I share my dreams. It doesn't get more personal for me than my dreams. Plus they make me sound insane. In my opinion they sound insane. If it wasn't for the fact that this left me soo shaken up, I probably wouldn't have said anything at all. Maybe I am crazier than I even know.
So that was the start to my day, no wonder I ended up on the bathroom floor crying.