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1000 Ways...Finding What Works

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Well, I'm still trying. I am in a bit of wonderment as to why/how I lost my way. I went a whole year without a single binge and losing a lot of weight. Then, I started this new job and gained 30 lbs and have been fighting the binge eating monster again. Why?

When I started this new job, I went through a terrible ordeal with the first manager that I worked with. She is no longer with the company. That experience ranks in my top 10 worst experiences of my life. So, I think that was the start of the problem. It's been almost a year now that I have been with this new company now. I feel settled in and good at my job. The source of the problems from a year ago is gone. But since it was such a terrible ordeal, it's still a healing point for me. So, I think that has been a big part of my problem. I'm just trying to heal; and going to the same place of employment where the pain came from while I'm trying to put it in my past is difficult...but I'm getting there.

So, daily I begin "on plan" and I track and attempt to eat in range and I attempt to not snack myself out of range and I try really hard not to binge eat. Last Saturday, I went shopping and bought some little prizes for myself. I bagged them up...3 small items per a surprise grab bag gift. I had really been struggling with getting through any 24-hour periods without binge eating. So, I had decided to set myself up with prizes and see if that helped any. I made it through my 1st 24 hours and got my prize. Fun! Then, I decided to go through 2 days for the next prize. I did it! That was definitely harder. So, I decided to leave it at that and only go for 2 days at a time. I went through another day almost...but fell off in the evening into a binge. emoticon That was last night. I decided to "start over" and go through just one day for my next prize. So far, I have made it through today and I foresee me making it through.

I feel like a child who had learned to crawl and walk and run...and now I'm back to crawling. It's kind of disheartening. I haven't been blogging because I didn't want to share my troubles and bring anyone down. I want you all to be flying high and doing great. I want to have something great to write about, inspire you. I'm definitely a "if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all" writer.

I read a really good thought said that Thomas Edison did not fail 1000 times to make the light bulb, he just discovered 1000 ways not to make a light bulb. I think I am finding 1000 ways not to get over binge eating. emoticon I'm just going to keep plugging away with try after try until something sticks and is my solution. For now, I'm going to continue with my prize bags and pushing for one day, then two days, on plan...and starting that process over if I binge eat. I'm also continuing to use the Recovery Record app. I really like it. It reminds me 4 times a day to log my meals and my feelings. And it gives me a piece of a puzzle for each log entry I make. When I have all the pieces, it rewards me with a song from a song artist. Pretty neat. I mostly just like the reminders and a place to log things.

Well, I hope you all are doing well. I'm coming around to check on everyone. Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on! emoticon emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Our Spark journeys are almost parallel. You eventually surpassed me in weight loss though. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. Me too. I've gained 35 pounds! And I haven't blogged forever either. I don't think you should stop blogging to avoid bringing others down. The times when you are really struggling are when you need the community support the most.

    Hang in there. emoticon
    1826 days ago
  • DS9KIE
    keep your blogs coming with the good, bad and the ugly and we will be here to support you and it also helps me to know what ideas you have along the way.

    emoticon emoticon
    1843 days ago
    If all I wanted to read was cheer leading, I could get that elsewhere. The most valuable part of what people share on this site for me is how they get through the rough spots. Thank you for doing that!
    1844 days ago
    Keep on trying!
    1844 days ago
    I hate to see you struggling so much. But if a struggle means anything it's that you're still pushing and still trying. We're all with you!
    1844 days ago
  • VICD25
    what a great plan. if this one isn't it, maybe the next one is! I love your Thomas Edison story. no one want to miss the mark 1000 times, but if you keep sharing your story, I KNOW there is someone out there for whom one of your misses will be a HIT! take heart. you've done it before, you can do it again!

    I am just so impressed that you can identify your trigger. you are amazing!
    we are here.
    1844 days ago
    Cathy you won't bring us down. We are here to help you work through this. Always remember that!
    Good luck with things. I know you'll work it out! emoticon
    1844 days ago
    Cathy, we offer you encouragement & support through the good, the bad, & the ugly! Cause we've all been there & know how it feels! I'm struggling too right now. No real reason that I can tell...just anxiety. I can't seem to get back to my tracking & I have no excuse, 'cept that I'm not wanting to do it! My stubborness isn't getting me any closer to my goal...& I know that. Still, I'm being obstinate! Go figure!

    I know you're doing all that you can do to get back on track...& I commend you for all the hard work & for persevering! You are the little engine that COULD!!! Chug-a-chuga! Wooo-wooo!!! You CAN do it! Keep pushing girlfriend! I'm pushing w/ya!!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1844 days ago
    I am a strong believer in the written word for sorting things out for myself. As others have said, blog for yourself and even if you don't feel like posting, you can just journal and keep it for yourself. You've made great strides and yes, it is sometimes disheartening to realize we have to re-learn our lessons, but in the end we're all stronger for it and you will be too. You're already applying tools you've learned from other lessons (planning, rewards) and most importantly not giving up!

    We're all here behind you, we've all been there, and we understand. So don't be a stranger!

    emoticon emoticon
    1844 days ago
  • MONA791
    Hey Cathy! You are doing it well, don't be disappointed if you sometimes get off track. It happens and you have to get back and emoticon



    1844 days ago
    try to find something else you love and gives you comfort, not food. emotionally eating is a compulsion, a protection mechanism of the's as hard to give it up like quitting smoking or a drug addiction. you need something to replace it. the gifts are great but you need something more permanent , easy to my case I'm watching anime or read manga until I feel really good. I'm sure you will find something. you had so many great ideas that I stole from you emoticon
    good luck! emoticon emoticon
    1844 days ago
    "if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all" - this is how I tend to handle my SP blogs, too. But I agree with what one of the other commenters here said - blog for yourself. Plus, I want to know how things are going for you, good or bad. Maybe we can offer helpful encouragement or something. :) I think we just want to be able to support you, no matter what's going on - whether you're succeeding at everything or struggling sometimes. I'm sorry you've had such a rough time of it, but I'm glad you're not giving up and you're finding what does and doesn't work for you. Hang in there! emoticon
    1844 days ago
    After two years, I think that it is not whether we can be perfect, but whether we can pick ourselves up and keep trying. Today I had my first really good eating day in about 4 days...yesterday was an out and out binge day and I am not sure why....well, there are probably lots of reasons for it, LOL! So you are not alone, but the important thing is that you keep trying. I feel for you with that work situation....even though that manager is not there anymore, those things can be really traumatic. I had my own situation at work several years ago, for several years. That manager has been gone for a long time but I still feel the after effects.
    1844 days ago
    Starting each day with a plan is better than starting without one. We all fall down. We just need to get up and move on. Hugs
    1844 days ago
    I haven't been blogging for similar reasons but have learned that sometimes people just want to be with you even if you are not setting the best example. And that is how I feel about you. Even when you are struggling I am uplifted by your messages of hope. You are not afraid to brainstorm and try new approaches. You don't give up and I look forward to just being with you.
    1844 days ago
  • KONRAD695
    I've read many of your previous blogs, and I know you have what it takes. You've already had many sucesses, including a 2 day run. You might not think it was much, but it is huge. Next time 3 days is only an extra 24 hours. Then you did 3 days, and 2 was so easy that you add them together and get 5. See, you've got it in the bag. emoticon emoticon
    1844 days ago
    Don't blog for everyone else. Blog for yourself, because the act of writing the blog helps clear things up in your mind and helps work through the emotions. If your blogs happen to help someone else, great! But their primary purpose is to help *you* deal with whatever is currently on your plate.

    Keep plugging away at it, and you'll find what works for you. Maybe you'll find it because someone else leaves a helpful suggestion in a comment, maybe you'll find it because you thought of it while writing the blog, maybe you would have found it anyway. But don't give up, because it's worth the effort to find what will work for you.
    1844 days ago
    Cathy, whether you realize it or not...the fact that you keep trying, that you haven't given up, shows that you are still an inspiration!! Take pride in what you have achieved so far and know that you will conquer this as well!!! emoticon
    1844 days ago
    I'm glad you blogged and I'm sorry for your recent struggles. Sounds like you have some great plans to stay on top of it - and I certainly hope it gets easier. You've shown that you can be successful, so I hope your grove comes back soon - you can do it. And, don't ever worry about posting a blog that is not always positive. Life is not always positive, so it is good to share some "not so good" with the good. It just shows that you are human - and gives the rest of us a chance to try to support you!!

    Wishing you the best - may this binge phase pass by you soon! Just keep breathing (deep breaths) and don't let stress affect you (easier said that done, I know).

    1844 days ago
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