Well, I'm still trying. I am in a bit of wonderment as to why/how I lost my way. I went a whole year without a single binge and losing a lot of weight. Then, I started this new job and gained 30 lbs and have been fighting the binge eating monster again. Why?
When I started this new job, I went through a terrible ordeal with the first manager that I worked with. She is no longer with the company. That experience ranks in my top 10 worst experiences of my life. So, I think that was the start of the problem. It's been almost a year now that I have been with this new company now. I feel settled in and good at my job. The source of the problems from a year ago is gone. But since it was such a terrible ordeal, it's still a healing point for me. So, I think that has been a big part of my problem. I'm just trying to heal; and going to the same place of employment where the pain came from while I'm trying to put it in my past is difficult...but I'm getting there.
So, daily I begin "on plan" and I track and attempt to eat in range and I attempt to not snack myself out of range and I try really hard not to binge eat. Last Saturday, I went shopping and bought some little prizes for myself. I bagged them up...3 small items per bag...like a surprise grab bag gift. I had really been struggling with getting through any 24-hour periods without binge eating. So, I had decided to set myself up with prizes and see if that helped any. I made it through my 1st 24 hours and got my prize. Fun! Then, I decided to go through 2 days for the next prize. I did it! That was definitely harder. So, I decided to leave it at that and only go for 2 days at a time. I went through another day almost...but fell off in the evening into a binge.
That was last night. I decided to "start over" and go through just one day for my next prize. So far, I have made it through today and I foresee me making it through.
I feel like a child who had learned to crawl and walk and run...and now I'm back to crawling. It's kind of disheartening. I haven't been blogging because I didn't want to share my troubles and bring anyone down. I want you all to be flying high and doing great. I want to have something great to write about, too...to inspire you. I'm definitely a "if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all" writer.
I read a really good thought yesterday...it said that Thomas Edison did not fail 1000 times to make the light bulb, he just discovered 1000 ways not to make a light bulb. I think I am finding 1000 ways not to get over binge eating.
I'm just going to keep plugging away with try after try until something sticks and is my solution. For now, I'm going to continue with my prize bags and pushing for one day, then two days, on plan...and starting that process over if I binge eat. I'm also continuing to use the Recovery Record app. I really like it. It reminds me 4 times a day to log my meals and my feelings. And it gives me a piece of a puzzle for each log entry I make. When I have all the pieces, it rewards me with a song from a song artist. Pretty neat. I mostly just like the reminders and a place to log things.
Well, I hope you all are doing well. I'm coming around to check on everyone. Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on!