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    SHAKINGTHETREE   34,148
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Week 1 - in the books. :)

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Well, Week 1 of P90X is in the books. Gee whiz, it's great to be back. :)

*~*~*~*~*

I think I have learned something important about myself over these past few months. When I am unhappy and upset about things in my personal life, I lose motivation. Not only do I lose motivation, but I start to engage in some self-destructive behaviors... which I realize is kind of like my inner six-year-old saying FU to responsibility out of... I don't know. Spite? Self-pity? Self-hatred?

Ick.

Anyway - these last few months have been sort of rough. Yes, I was sick. Yes, I had surgery. Yes, I had some crazy-bad things happen. But there was way more going on than that, emotionally (and I'm still not out of the woods, necessarily), and I reacted really poorly. I ate things I shouldn't have; I drank more than I should have (not proud of this); I engaged in behaviors that I know are bad for me (don't ask me to go into specifics - I'm frankly embarrassed).

And, so, my body did not react well. I started to feel even worse. I got sicker - with a 105 degree fever and everything, which hasn't happened to me since I'm a kid. Had my first bad asthma attack in over a year. I put on pounds. My normally low blood pressure went up. My gloriously low RHR followed suit. In fact, sometimes, I felt my heart racing and a tightness in my chest that made me wonder if I wasn't on the verge of something REAL bad.

And the real kick in the teeth was that the crappier I felt physically, the crappier I felt emotionally... which made me sink further into self-pity and self-loathing and self-FU and basically fueled more unhealthy behavior.

Downward spiral down the toilet, yo.

I'm not sure what exactly clicked inside me. I don't think it was anything specific, like a big epiphany or anything... just a slow realization that being unhappy was having an adverse affect on me completely across the board. I started looking at pictures of myself from over the summer - when I felt the best I'd ever felt in my entire life - and I thought to myself: "THAT. I want THAT again."

And you know, as soon as I started pushing away the bad behaviors (even as I was desiring them), my outlook started to get better. I started to feel better... and I began to toy with the idea of chasing some of the bliss I'd been kicking around in my brain. I started going salsa dancing again, which makes me feel vital and alive. I may even take up bellydance again, for the same reason. I cut back on drinking... I re-quit smoking (yeah, like I said - not proud that I started again...).

It didn't take me long to start feeling better. In fact, I was shocked at how quickly my body responded. I am certainly not back to where I used to be; this first week back to P90X has been extremely challenging. But man, do I feel good.

So - a correlation between emotional well-being and physical well-being. Going forward, I absolutely need to make sure I am addressing my emotional needs so that I do not let myself start "circling the bowl" again.

Healthy coping mechanisms, FTW.

Speaking of which - tonight is salsa night. Gonna go get my caliente groove on. :)
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CODEMAULER 1/31/2013 7:27PM

    I think that we've all been there in our way... getting back to healthy habits is a gift to yourself!

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ROCKMAN6797 1/30/2013 11:04PM

    It sounds like you had a rough few months. Glad that you are back! Use that time period to push you forward and keep those awesome summer pictures close so that you have the inspiration to push forward and get back there.
You have got this!

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