Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Although my blogs have been pretty upbeat lately, I personally have been going through a bout of depression. It happens every once in a while, and when it does happen I get in such a funk, I barely recognize myself until Iím out of it. I stop caring about things I used to (which included my weight loss journey) and my outlook on life is exceedingly bleak. Itís the nature of the disease that I know all too well, and Iím doing all I can to ensure that Iím battling it with all of my might. Now that Iím on the other side of this episode, Iím able to pick myself up and dust myself off.
I feel a lot better today and am thankful for that. Waking up this morning was such a blessing and I felt like scales had fallen off of my eyes (as they often do when I get past a few days of hard core depression). Iíve been sad about a lot of things, extremely frustrated by others and let so much get to me.
My weight loss means a lot to me. It is by far the hardest thing Iíve ever done and accomplished in my life. Burying family members wasnít as hard as this (I know that sounds strange, but everyone was so sick, I had been mentally prepared for a good while, except for Granny of course). I obsess about it, and I care probably a little too much. After a weekend of simply not caring too much about what I ate, I ate with abandon and gained some weight. When I saw 191 on the scale, I flipped out and went down a spiral that I couldnít get myself out of until today.
Last night, and the nights previously I was threatening to quit Spark and give up altogether. If I got fat again, I got fat. Iíd shut myself in the house, stop caring and tell everyone to go jump off a bridge if they said anything to me about it. Yes, I was THAT mad.
Iím a bit smarter this morning.
Iíve worked too dang hard to give up now and if it takes me all dang year to lose these last 15lbs then so be it. Sure, Iím going to do it kicking and screaming, but honestly, what do I have to lose? All Iíll be doing is bettering myself and hitting goals I never thought possible, like I did last year.
Iím giving myself a few more dates to give myself some room in case my body really fights me on it. If I donít make it by the last date, I will permanently go into maintenance mode and enjoy what Iíve already accomplished.
Updated Goal Dates:
April 16, 2013 Ė 2 Year Weight Loss Anniversary
September 5, 2013 Ė My 27th Birthday
December 24, 2013 Ė Christmas Eve
I registered for my first 5k this morning and Iím beyond excited. I can only go up from here.
Beginning Monday, Iíve gone back to drinking 3 liters of water a day and my body is thanking me already. Feels good to go back to routines that really worked for me before.
I can only go up from here.
Romans 8: 7 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."