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    GERIKRAGH   239,587
200,000-249,999 SparkPoints

Life's Demerit System

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

...In the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a non-exhaustive guide to the point system:

You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows. (-10)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-3)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with Beer. (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something. (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)
It's her pet Schnauzer. (-20)

You stay by her side for the entire party. (+1)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend. (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer. (-10)
Tina has breast implants. (-40)

You take her out to dinner. (+2)
You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar. (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar. (-2)
And its all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10)

You take her to a movie. (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+5)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop.' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-80)

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)
(Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
You give any other response. (-20)

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (+2)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-4000)

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
ROBBIE53 2/1/2013 8:39PM

    Loved it!

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SENATOR9 1/31/2013 8:56AM

    wow my score is -2473 emoticon

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JANIEWWJD 1/30/2013 11:40PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SILVER1369 1/30/2013 10:53PM


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TWEETYKC00 1/30/2013 8:08PM

    These should be printed and handed out to te groom at every wedding around the world! lol.

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FISHINGLADY66 1/30/2013 4:16PM


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JUDY1676 1/30/2013 3:49PM


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1CRAZYDOG 1/30/2013 3:29PM


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0309COOKIE 1/30/2013 2:19PM

    Very funny!

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KJELLYBEAN15 1/30/2013 1:10PM

    Holy Cow. I am rolling on the floor. Those are so funny. Totally true, but funny!

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