Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Sometimes being an adult sucks. Literally. I have been under a lot of pressure lately, which isn't helping my eating whatsoever. I do believe emotional eating is the very worst thing I can go through.
Let me backtrack here. Remember man friend? Well, things have gone a bit faster then I wanted it too. I will admit, I am a commitment phobe. Yes, marriage and such does appeal to me, but I have been doing my own thing for so long its hard for me to break out of that. Consider me selfish. I just like my personal space. I'm independent.
Anyway, me and man friend went out last Tuesday, then hung out on Friday and Sunday. Whoa. That's lot. Too much for my taste right now. And to top it off, he is reminding me ALOT of my exboyfriend, in a bad way. I dated a man for 6 months. Not because I liked him, because he spent money on me. It's true, I only dated him for his money. Sad thing, but I have come to terms on it. There was so much about him that I didn't like. But I just couldn't break it off. I kept my distance, but was too worried about what others would say, and hurting someone else is hard for me. I cannot show my emotions, but I hate to dink with others.
Thankfully, after holding these feelings in since Friday, I talked to my mom about it last night. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I told her the truth, and teared up a bit, but glad I did. My mom is my number one supporter, yet my greatest enemy at the same time. She understood where I felt, somewhat, with and threw in some other comments. But after talking to her, I let man friend know I needed space. We cancelled our plans for the next two times, and really I do feel relieved. The weight is finally off my shoulders, and I am proud of myself. My goal this year was to take a stand and be in control more, and I really think I have mastered that.
Of course, now I am getting backlash from friends, but eh, they can go suck a beef stick. I'm doing me.
With that, I have gotten back into running. It's the best way I can clear my head, and I love the way it feels. I still have my 30 by 30 goal people! I started Monday with C25K. The app I found is working great. Now I know why people have smartphones! The app and Pandora and I am off. I am trying to keep my walking breaks to 4.0 mph and running to 5.4 mph. 5.4 is a 11:06 min/mile, which I like. My goal this running season is a 34 minute 5K or less. Totally doable!
My first race is in 45 days! Wow, just think, that is around my 1 year of running. Amazing. I already have 5 races picked out, and thats just til June. I am sensing running this year is going to be epic.