How long will it be before I really believe that I have lost the weight for good.
That I will maintain my healthy life style?
What will it take to stop feeling fat, to stop fearing it's return.
I have not reached my goal yet, have been maintaining, see-sawing only be a couple of pounds back and forth.
That little fluctuation, this long term plateau make it so hard to believe.
How long before I feel brave enough to clean my closet?
This is actually what started this thought process.
My closet is a nightmare.
We all hang onto "skinny" clothes if we were once ever skinnier than we are now, we save the nicest of those clothes in hopes that we will fit them once again. I have a few of those things and am even fitting into a couple. (what a fantastic feeling that has been)
But what about hoarding and keeping the FAT clothes???
I have 10 pairs of pants that I bought at a clearance sale a few years ago. 4 are unworn because the sale was SO good I got extra as back up for when the first round wore out. This was also during that stage where I had given up on ever weighing less than 210lbs again.
I have had no choice; I have had to start slowly re-building my wardrobe. This is expensive as crap and I hesitate to buy too much for 3 reasons.
1. I keep needing smaller and hope to keep needing smaller
2. I fear going back up
3. Money is so tight
I still do not have enough pants for work so there are still a couple of pairs of larger pants I continue to wear with a belt.
But the 10 pair previously mention are now WAY to big for even that.
Between old skinny clothes, current clothes, and fat clothes I have a very stuffed closet and No room in my dressers, yet the funny thing is I have very little to wear that actually looks good!!!!
When, will I have enough faith in myself to purge the closet?
What if I gain it back? Then I will have no clothes AGAIN????
But I don't want to gain it back.
An evil voice in my head reminds me that Past experience has told me this is highly likely.
But this is the longest period of time I have maintained this level of weight loss! And counting.
I MIGHT not make it all the way too goal but I want to believe I am never going all the way back!
I REALLY need a closet purge, but I am so afraid of it!
MAYBE this weekend I can make myself pull it all out, access, and at least re-organize.