20,000-24,999 SparkPoints 22,472

How long till I believe?

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

How long will it be before I really believe that I have lost the weight for good.
That I will maintain my healthy life style?
What will it take to stop feeling fat, to stop fearing it's return.
I have not reached my goal yet, have been maintaining, see-sawing only be a couple of pounds back and forth.
That little fluctuation, this long term plateau make it so hard to believe.

How long before I feel brave enough to clean my closet?
This is actually what started this thought process.
My closet is a nightmare.

We all hang onto "skinny" clothes if we were once ever skinnier than we are now, we save the nicest of those clothes in hopes that we will fit them once again. I have a few of those things and am even fitting into a couple. (what a fantastic feeling that has been)

But what about hoarding and keeping the FAT clothes???

I have 10 pairs of pants that I bought at a clearance sale a few years ago. 4 are unworn because the sale was SO good I got extra as back up for when the first round wore out. This was also during that stage where I had given up on ever weighing less than 210lbs again.

I have had no choice; I have had to start slowly re-building my wardrobe. This is expensive as crap and I hesitate to buy too much for 3 reasons.
1. I keep needing smaller and hope to keep needing smaller
2. I fear going back up
3. Money is so tight

I still do not have enough pants for work so there are still a couple of pairs of larger pants I continue to wear with a belt.
But the 10 pair previously mention are now WAY to big for even that.

Between old skinny clothes, current clothes, and fat clothes I have a very stuffed closet and No room in my dressers, yet the funny thing is I have very little to wear that actually looks good!!!!

When, will I have enough faith in myself to purge the closet?
What if I gain it back? Then I will have no clothes AGAIN????

But I don't want to gain it back.
An evil voice in my head reminds me that Past experience has told me this is highly likely.

But this is the longest period of time I have maintained this level of weight loss! And counting.
I MIGHT not make it all the way too goal but I want to believe I am never going all the way back!

I REALLY need a closet purge, but I am so afraid of it!

MAYBE this weekend I can make myself pull it all out, access, and at least re-organize.
Baby steps.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BRIAN36
    I hung onto my larger clothes only until I was solidly 2 sizes smaller. I've been maintaining almost 5 years now and only have to pair of jeans in larger sizes. One pair is my starting size 16s that got too tight and a pair of size 4s. I keep the 16 to remind me how far I've come and I keep the 4 as a trigger to put on the brakes before things get out of hand. If they become desirable because they fit better I've got a problem.
    1750 days ago
    I was actually just thinking about this very subject. My workout pants are getting too big and my pants are starting to sag and I had these great visions of giving my "fat" clothes away to someone else, petty I know. Then I thought, but then I'll be jinxing myself and I'll end up needing them again. The truth is, believe in yourself and keep up your good work and you won't need them ever again. You may even feel awesome about getting rid of them and it may be a reinforcement to stay fit. The best thing to do is think, "Am I really going to need these again? Am I ever going back?" If they answer is no, then....maybe its time to get rid of them.
    1751 days ago
    Been there, done that. I've started all over and am slowly working towards getting back into my skinny clothes. Maybe you could pack the ones that are too big in boxes for now and tuck them away somewhere. Out of sight out of mind. Give yourself time and get rid of them when you feel ready. Keep up the good work!
    1751 days ago
    1751 days ago
  • KONRAD695
    Tomorrow when you wake up, decide to become the person you are supposed to be. I know you can do it. Throw out the clothes and be the skinny girl. emoticon
    1752 days ago
  • APED7969
    I had this problem too. I got rid of the old stuff that'd I'd clearly never wear again - both skinny and fat clothes. That consisted of stuff that was worn or that I didn't like that much initially (usually gifts from my mom) or clothes that were really out of style or clothes that were no longer age appropriate (think shirt that was midriff bearing and tied across the back :-)) I then made a fat clothes box of some things I really liked or hadn't even worn and were brand new. Every few months I add to that box or do another thrift shop run. I had a lot of skinny clothes so I didn't have to buy too much new stuff. But if I did buy new things I usually got them from the thrift store. That way if I I got smaller I didn't mind throwing them out or returning them to the thrift store. I have bought some skinny clothes to keep working towards. I'm also still on a plateau so those clothes aren't going anywhere yet but I hold out hope I'll be wearing them soon! Good luck, it does feel good to have a clean closet!
    1752 days ago
    perhaps get rid of the largest clothing - trust yourself that if you start going up in size you will take it as a massive red flag, especially knowing that you do ::not:: have that saftey net of larger clothing. And I know you do not want to spend money on larger clothing - that alone would be motivation to recognize a problem before it went to far.
    1752 days ago
  • STODD251
    I actually recently made the decision to get rid of my fat clothes. I felt so wasteful because I had just bought them at the end of last summer... but they are simply too big to wear now. For me, moving was enough of a reason for me to start getting rid of stuff. I did not want to have oodles of clothes to move back and forth. Plus I am really coming to a place of feeling that I can do this and that I can keep it off. It will require me to be vigilant about the choices I make, but that is something I can manage.

    but that being said, it took me several years of bouncing around on this website to get to that point.
    1752 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/30/2013 1:49:33 PM
  • SUE5007
    Do you want to believe in yourself? Then make a resolve today that you will believe in yourself. Believe in everything that you can do and believe that you can learn to do even more.
    Throw out the clothes that are 2+ sizes too big. Stop thinking about it. Stop worrying. Believe.

    Fake it til you make it. You are capable. You can do anything.
    1752 days ago
    You are going to make it.....I don't think you will allow yourself to gain it've come too far.....sacrificed too much....
    1752 days ago
    How long? It's different for each of us, but by hanging out here that time will come.
    I'm glad to know you and look forward to following your progress.
    1752 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.