Wednesday, January 30, 2013
I had such a hard week, good thing I get to ______ this weekend.
So, I've been raking up the overtime hours since Christmas and had some weekends where I worked straight through them. Last weekend was a regular weekend, but it wasn't restorative at all because the dive class was way more work than fun. Usually when I work overtime, there is something redeeming about the work I do. Even last year, there were aspects of the job that were fun; the marketing parts, namely. I have dive classes the next 2 weekends, and it seems unbearable to me to have no restorative time for the next 3 weeks. I have a few hours Friday morning before the dive class starts. I want to think of something comforting to do. I want to feel as confident and comfortable and relaxed as I can for the class. And I'm pretty sure that if I go in the delirium I am feeling now, I will only be more stressed and well up into an anxious ball again.
Sleep is comforting, but won't do a thing to pump me up for the class. Same with reading. A zumba class would be perfect, but that is a lot of physical activity to do before I go do something that requires physical activity, so I'd like to find something else. Eating good food always puts me in a good mood, but I don't really feel like doing that either. The class starts at lunch time, so I can't imaging what I could eat before then. Plus, it's sort of anxiety-provoking in itself to eat out alone (don't know anybody else in Seattle yet to eat with). I could write more, I am enjoying the writing. I'd really like to find some way to really just put myself at ease. All this non-fun working all day, and the non-fun of riding the angry bus, and the non-fun of biking the dangerous streets, combine to one big pile of non-fun. I wish I could just sit down and laugh for an hour, just giggle and laugh and laugh. That would put me at ease for the class. Right now, sitting here, knowing I have to leave for work in 10 minutes and I'm so tired my eyes will barely open, the stress and axiety weighing down on me, it doesn't seem like laughing will happen ever.
I laughed quite a bit last Saturday. The boy and I got groceries, and when we went back to the car, he stood at the driver's side door to open it, and I stood at the passenger side door. We stood there a moment and then I realized I was standing at some other totally different random car. I was that spaced out, I couldn't help but laugh at myself.