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The voice in my head

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I took a little over two weeks off of running to let shin splints heal, I read it can take a month or more of complete inactivity (I took that as no cardio) to heal. I decided to wait until I had a few days straight with no pain, that took until today.
I meant to continue my weights, but I didn't.
I meant to do some turbo jam, but I didn't.
I ran/walked today for 25 minutes, I was so happy to be outside again and walking along the river, watching the ducks fish for breakfast. But when I would run my shins started to hurt and I can feel them now, I don't want to be injured anymore.

This voice in my head is trying to keep me fat. I know that weight loss is 80% nutrition and 20% exercise, so if you're only kinda cleaning up what you eat, you're only kinda gonna get results. I've got to focus on my nutrition. But everytime I do, this voice in my head starts waging a battle. There's another voice too, the one that wants to do what I know I should, but she appears to have given up, cause when I hear her now she's just crying.
I eat when I'm not hungry, I hear the voice say "you're not hungry, go back to work, drink some water" and the other voice says "don't listen, go eat something, in fact, make it unhealthy" if I don't have any junk food right at hand, I'll make something junky just to eat crap. Like topping for apple crisp or toast dripping in butter. That's when the other voice cries.
I've been saying for about 3 years now "well there's always tomorrow" and I haven't lost any weight, in fact I'm about 10 pounds heavier than I was 3 years ago.
I have a friend who is very over weight, I see pictures of her when she was younger, she was over weight then too, morbidly obese in fact, and she's about double that size now, if not more. She tries to lose weight, she tries to eat right, she tries to work out, she stops and starts. Just like I've been doing. I had been telling myself if I just kept up the working out and trying to make small changes, even though I keep back sliding, I can maintain the weight. But it hit me in the face, that this is probably what she told herself too.
I have to make a change. I have to make my GOOD inner voice stronger. I don't want to be a victoria's secret model, I just want to feel good about myself.
How do I make that happen?
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