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Outrageous Kindness


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Wednesday, January 30, 2013



Today is day 33 of my streak!

January is just about done...and as of today there are only 48 days until Spring! I am thinking ahead to where I'd like to be by that time, and what I need to do in order to make it happen. For the first time in years, I am looking forward to warmer weather! Just saying that I am looking forward to something....it brings tears to my eyes. In the past, warmer weather was something I dreaded because it meant putting away the bulky coats and jackets that I wore all winter to "hide" my obese body. In Spring and Summer, I would wear my stretch pants and t shirts, and I would feel so unattractive, so "un-feminine", so fat, so old. Whenever I would go out in public, I would pull my hair back into a ponytail, slap on a baseball cap, and pretend that I didn't care (or didn't know) that I looked so unhealthy, unhappy and so overweight.

But I did care. Behind my smile, I was crying. I was ashamed of how I'd let myself go. And to comfort myself, I'd buy a bunch of junk food, hide it in my purse, and then sneak it into the house....and then eat it in the middle of the night while hubby was sleeping! And every morning, I would wake up just hating myself for being such a weak person. Oh, the names I called myself! I said such horrible, hateful things to myself every day!



Its different this year, though. I look forward to warmer weather, because I am not ashamed of myself anymore. Its not just about looks, its about ATTITUDE. I don't hate myself like I used to. I LOVE myself! No, I don't think I'm the worlds greatest or anything. But I have finally learned the truth...you can't take care of yourself and reach your goals if you don't love yourself.

I have had such a bad past. But I'm tired of living in the shadow of that. My life is ahead of me, and I don't have to be a prisoner of my old thoughts and feelings. I am looking forward with hope and positivity.

"Don't look back - Yesterday is over, today is a brand new day
Don't look back - It's not the answer, no it's not the way
You can't go forward when you keep looking back
How can you think about the future
When you're haunted by the past?
God don't want you to live like that
Put your hand to the plow and don't look back."
("Don't Look Back" by John Schlitt)



February is almost here, and my goal for the month is to be my OWN Valentine! I hereby pledge to treat myself with "outrageous kindness" all month long...and beyond! I will love myself enough to put my health first...I will love myself enough to eat healthy foods (and to weigh and measure them!)...I will love myself enough to exercise and look for ways to add movement to my day...I will love myself enough to keep working hard to make progress!




And when Spring arrives, I will not be at my goal weight....but I will be closer! I will not wear stretch pants or hide underneath a baseball cap. I will smile, and it will be a genuine smile of happiness and pride because I have worked hard, and I know I am worth the effort!





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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
CAROLTTG 1/31/2013 2:14AM

    Great blog!! Very inspirational! The feelings you talked about are so true of being overweight.....congratulations on making it different this year!! It takes alot of courage and motivation....keep up the good work!!

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CHERIRIDDELL 1/31/2013 1:59AM

    What an inspirational blog ! We should all learn from you!

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DRASADAF 1/31/2013 1:54AM

    Such a true story...loved it soo much...

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HAPPY_TRAVELS 1/31/2013 1:44AM

    Be proud of all that you have accomplish and love the person you are. emoticon emoticon

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BMCKEOW1 1/31/2013 12:17AM

    I love this. I'm going through a similar thing. I use to wear all black to the gym, thought it made me look smaller or invisible. I didn't want people to see me. Now I'm wearing some colors. This spring and this summer I won't be at my goal weight, but like you said I'll be closer. I think that means I get to go shopping for something fitting the new me. Maybe a cute little dress or something. Thanks for blogging.

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OHSNAPITZKAT 1/30/2013 11:50PM

    Pixie, this was beautiful and inspirational! I feel like these were some of those words that just needed to be said. Thank you! emoticon

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GARDENSFORLIFE 1/30/2013 10:38PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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242WILLNOTDO 1/30/2013 10:38PM

    You're okay and you're on your way!

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COCK-ROBIN 1/30/2013 9:49PM

    Yay, you're doing great!

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MICKEYH 1/30/2013 9:34PM

    Pixie, Thank you for so being earnest and share your feeling and love into this blog. I am so proud of you and your achievement. You become so far and stronger, not just out side but inside too. I understand what you've went thru in your weight straggle in the past. I've been there too. I wasn't hide the foods, but I didn't noticed or i didn't realized myself I was doing such a harm to myself. I was just comforting myself. I guess you call it blinded myself? I didn't even noticed I was gaining weight either. But I am so glad we both realized, what we doing was wrong and finally, decided to be come healthy and fit. And took action.

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RUNNING-TURTLE 1/30/2013 9:15PM

    Loved your blog. You are truly worth every bit of effort that you are doing. You are a wonderful person. And doing great, you just need a little bit more of a nudge. emoticon Proud of you. Keep up the good work. 71 pounds lost so far is a lot when you think about it, and you will be at your goal in no time.

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4RASCALS 1/30/2013 8:34PM

    Loved your blog. Love the changes your making. I'm so proud of you. I do believe that we must love ourselves before we can reach our goal. That is something I'm working on now, learning to love myself. It's a hard process but one that I must do.

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SATCHMO99 1/30/2013 5:24PM

    Wow, great blog. Thanks for baring your soul, because so often we are great at hiding the pain.

A tale of which of the two wolves wins: the wolf called Fear and the wolf called Kindness. Which one wins? The one we feed.

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RAINBOWMF 1/30/2013 4:49PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KARENLEIGH32 1/30/2013 4:26PM

    You can do it, I can do it, we can do it!

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CRANRANA 1/30/2013 4:24PM

  Great affirmations--keep up the good work. Attitude drives succes!!

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ALIDOSHA 1/30/2013 4:12PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WORLDSERIES11 1/30/2013 3:23PM

    emoticon emoticon Love your attitude!!! Hope to do the same for myself!

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LYN-EDWY 1/30/2013 3:16PM

  This is the first blog that has ever brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you so much for sharing your inner self with us, with me.
Sometimes words cannont convey how one feels, that is where I
am now. Your words have truly reached inside me and touched
something.....I wish I could give you a hug right now.
Thank you again so much.

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MAGA99 1/30/2013 2:30PM

    emoticon

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RAWCOOKIE 1/30/2013 2:15PM

    What a wonderful blog post - thank you for sharing this. I had recently been thinking that I want to really love and cherish myself, and to give my body the love it deserves - by moving it and feeding it in ways that make it feel good!

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KATHYJO56 1/30/2013 2:06PM

    Pixie, I clicked the "I Like This" box. This blog made me cry. You have really opened yourself up to us during the past several months, and in the meantime, you have caused many of us to take a good hard look at ourselves. You my friend, deserve all of the outrageous love that you can handle. emoticon

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BAMAJAM 1/30/2013 2:00PM

  Pixie--- What a joy to read this! A great lesson, to become your OWN Valentine!
Thank you!

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WARDMIC78 1/30/2013 1:49PM

    Love it! We should all focus more on being kind to ourselves!

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CHARTHESTAR 1/30/2013 1:38PM

    Great way to take my challenge of the year "be a friend to yourself " to a new level!
Be your own valentine!

I could have written this- felt the same way and did the same things.

Isn't it awesome how much difference a year and determination can make?

WE CAN DO THIS!!! emoticon



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CHRISTINASP 1/30/2013 1:21PM

    Wow, that's a beautiful picture you made! thank you for sharing.

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SNOWYOGA 1/30/2013 1:08PM

    emoticon emoticon

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FROMNDTOGA 1/30/2013 1:01PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

clm

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WACFIT 1/30/2013 12:40PM

    Go, Pixie! You inspire me and so many others with your outrageously positive attitude! Thank you!

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SEATTLE58 1/30/2013 12:15PM

    Oh, emoticon Pixie, I know you can! emoticon emoticon Happy Valentine's Day is coming up and we will feel better because WE DID IT!!!! emoticon

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REGILIEH 1/30/2013 12:14PM

    emoticon emoticon

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AME4IT 1/30/2013 11:57AM

    You are not the only who's going to be coming out of the shadows this spring. You can do it; WE can do it.

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BARBARAROSE54 1/30/2013 11:47AM

    emoticon

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JANESLOSS 1/30/2013 11:30AM

    Awesome blog Pixie!!
Very inspiring and uplifting. Thank you!
I'm so happy that you are doing so well and feeling so good about yourself. Congratulations!

Big Hugs,

Jane emoticon

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SAD64PSYCH 1/30/2013 11:20AM

    I am so proud of you! emoticon

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IAMAGEMLOVER 1/30/2013 11:07AM

    I was told once that you can't really truly love anyone until you love yourself. I scoffed at it because I didn't love myself but I love my parents, family and friends. Then once I truly loved myself, I realized that the person was right. I am so much happier now and can truly love the people I do.

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JOYFULMOMTO5 1/30/2013 10:47AM

    emoticon emoticon this is beauty- breaking free from our cocoons & letting our wings fly! You are beautiful! Thank you for sharing yourself with us. emoticon

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SEWISTLADY 1/30/2013 10:40AM

    Once again, another great blog! I really like your February goal. Thinking positive about the coming spring is inspiring. Thanks for the inspiration.
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STEPHJANE65 1/30/2013 10:38AM

    Awesome.........Spring is the time to emerge and enjoy. Change is hard but so important. YOU GO GIRL!! LOVE YOUR POSTS!! emoticon

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ROSAMARCELLE 1/30/2013 10:36AM

    Thank you for sharing with us. I have put off doing things for years until I have lost weight, but you can't keep hiding for ever or life will just pass by with nothing achieved. emoticon emoticon

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EBURGITE 1/30/2013 10:35AM

    emoticon

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MANDELOVICH 1/30/2013 10:22AM

    Go Pixie. You are so right that if we don't love ourselves, we will never achieve permanent and lasting weight loss. I've been very challenged by this part of it. I am trying and would love to join you on your February path of being our own Valentines. Great idea!

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KJELLYBEAN15 1/30/2013 10:17AM

    Great post. You are so awesome.

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HDHAWK 1/30/2013 10:16AM

    This is a wonderful blog. I can relate to so much of it. I love the poster too!

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HFAYE81 1/30/2013 10:14AM

    Awesome! You are super amazing and beautiful, I am so glad you can finally see it!! emoticon

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LYNAND62 1/30/2013 10:05AM

    You are as amazing a person as anyone could ever be! You are so inspiring to me in my struggles. I read your blog and thought, "That's me! That's how I feel about myself!" I, too, am learning to love myself. And this has been the single hardest lesson of my life!

Thank you for your motivating words and for sharing them with the rest of us! YOU ROCK!! emoticon

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MINDY502 1/30/2013 10:00AM

    I loved reading this blog and how you shared your heart and it has motivated me and I am sure countless others that will read this. Inspiring keep on moving and smiling!

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SUGAR0814 1/30/2013 9:58AM

    Learning to love yourself is the best! You're a great inspiration! Thanks for sharing Pixie!

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JACLYN07 1/30/2013 9:51AM

    Outrageous kindness! What an awesome term. And a good idea to treat ourselves, cos we love ourselves.
Way to go Pixie, well said!
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SLIMMERJESSE 1/30/2013 9:49AM

    I'm here for you with an ear/shoulder to lean on.

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