Wednesday, January 30, 2013
I've been told in the past that I see life through rose-colored glasses. I was extremely offended when this was said to me in a mocking way by an acquaintance one day a while back. So much so that I couldn't not sit down and ponder over why it upset me like it did.
To me, after living a life that was filled with darkness and sadness for so long, I decided after I started my life over that I had the right to look at life in a way that wasn't dark, nor sad. I decided it was my right to have a happy outlook, to have happiness in my home, to have peace in my heart and mind. I decided that learning how to wake up every day and not fear it, or dread it, was my right. Not something I earned, but my right in life. So that's what I did. Was it an overnight accomplishment? Not by a long shot. Was it worth the effort and persistence it takes to change such a negative behavior? You bet it was. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I actually looked up the definition for rose-colored glasses one day. Answer #1 was, obviously, "it's glass that is rose colored"....not quite what I was looking for. My answer was #2: "With an unduly cheerful, optimistic, or favorable view of things." My first thought after reading that was "why would anyone not want to see life in this way?"
What was meant as an insult that day, did not stay an insult. I decided to tweak it and found favor in it. Looking to the positives in life is what has kept me strong, helped me to keep moving forward with my goals. The positivity helped put the goals into my life.
When I look back and see how far I've come in the past 3 years, and the amount of behavior changes I've gone through and especially draining that negativity from my mind as much as possible, it brings tears to my eyes. It makes me feel so grateful for having had the courage to change an abusive situation, and makes me hope I can one day take what I've learned and help others who might be looking for it.
I use the title "Life found on a run" for a reason...I've found life there on the roads. It's been on those roads where I've dealt the most with pain, sorrow, shame and experienced some pretty great joys and a lot of happiness as well. So now that the sun is shining a bit later in the evening, I get to enjoy evening runs again.
I'll just have to keep on wearing those rose-colored glasses to keep the rays from being so darn bright...