Tuesday, January 29, 2013
I thothat I was going to get through an entire day without tears. I was wrong! The tears started at dinner when my daughter and I were talking about her friend who is a new widdow at 45. I was doing fine. We talked about who was in from out of town, who had to leave after the funeral to catch a flight home, who stayed until Sunday, how the church provided a luncheon after the funeral mass, what people had to say about her friend. Then, when I was trying to tell her how her friend, at my Ed's memorial service, had wrapped his big arms around me and said, "Kim and I are here for you" and in three and a half months he is gone too, the tears started pouring.
How long will this inability to control the tears last? Does God ordain how many buckets of tears must flow from a soul before they can be controled? Why can't I control them until I get to my car or to the privacy of my home? How many more tears until I get some peace and some control? I pray for peace and I get more tears. Must I cry a certain number of gallons of tears?