So I've been feeling down today. I have eaten well, and got in some exercise. I began to rearrange some kitchen/living area things that have been displeasing me.
I picked a fight with my honey. I am behind on a project in school. I allowed myself to pack on the pounds I'd lost (gone forever, my behind). I was angry and ashamed while I worked out.
I didn't want to do all the exercises in the video because my gut hangs out just-so, so I modified. I didn't want anyone walking in on me while I felt so unloveable, with my jiggly parts hanging out, shaking like they do.
Some days I feel great and I'm [Queen] of the world! But a lot of days I begrudge the obstacles I have set before me.
On the bright side, D didn't take the bait. I thought for sure he would as he usually gets angry whenever I start airing my grievances (and we all have them). At first he was miffed and then he said, what's really wrong? And he gave me a hug.
I'm getting myself together a bit at a time. I wish it were faster. I wish I were there already. I'm done in spirit, know what I mean? But my body is still in a place where it has cravings and do we REALLY have to get in 10 or 20 or 30 minutes? REALLY? Ugh. Fine. But I'm going to be mad the whole time. Yes, we should totally order a pizza.
I know these are my demons to fight. I'm doing it on easy mode right now, but I remember the days when saying no to junk food and yes to the good stuff was easy. It wasn't THAT long ago. I'm not there right now, but I'm working on it. Trudging, if you will.
It's very possible that I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Ok, I AM feeling sorry for myself. But even if I'm feeling sorry for myself (it's my
, people) I'm still moving forward because eventually my steps will add up and I'll reach my goal.
Even if I'm bitching and moaning the whole way.
Which I wont do, of course, because I'll be too psyched by then to do anything but cheer from the rooftop. But at least some of the way. Yeah.
Alright, I'm not so trudge-y anymore.
p.s. can you believe there is not a single emoticon depicting the disdain I feel over not being born with supermodel genes? (C'mon SP, don't think I didn't notice the new ones in there.)