Tuesday, January 29, 2013
My motivation seems to come in cycles - I do really really great for while and I start to see results, then my motivation fails. I get down in the dumps, I have no energy - and each day that goes by that I fail to exercise I go more and more into a downward spiral. Depression? Seasonal Disorder? Bored / burned out with my routine? Maybe - but I think it's more than that.
I think I'm afraid. Afraid to fail. I'm afraid that I'm not going to reach my goal and so I tell myself, "Why bother?" Each time I went into this funk, I had reached a goal - back in Oct - Nov, I finally lost a pound - the very next week, BAM, no motivation. This time around, I lost 4.5 inches and 1 pound - days later, BAM - no motivation. And I hear that voice all time in my head - that negative, negative, negative voice throughout this time - it gets louder and louder as the days go by without exercise - telling me, "Why bother, you're not going to make it, you're going to fail, save yourself the trouble, you're just going to fail." It doesn't start out negative - it starts slowly, draws me in with it's coaxing - "missing one day won't matter," "Those chips / sweets / etc" won't make a difference," "You've had a long, hard, stressful day - take a break & skip the gym tonight." The longer I go without exercise, the more my motivation falls, and the louder and abusive that voice gets.
Well, no more. I need to silence the critic in my head - my own worst enemy. I know I can do this. I know I can succeed; and I know I can do it right and be healthy. I cut ties a long time ago with negative, abusive, manipulative people that just suck / drain the energy out of you - it's time I do the same with that voice.
I can do this. And I won't be afraid of failure anymore.