Yesterday it all made sense, today I woke up in a struggle.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Yesterday I ate really well, exercised and was productive. Today, I woke up in a moody funk. At first I thought I was just tired. But it is more than that. I live with a man I love dearly who "cares about me". That I have come to understand is the root of my latest bout of emotional eating. Just when I convince myself that I am strong enough for that to not matter I wake up in a funk. The funk comes form not living an authentic life, to borrow from Oprah.
If you live a life that is perfect in all ways except emotional then it is not even a good life. Yes, I have a great place to live, I have my horses and great opportunities. The problem is I fell in love with a friend, my roommate, but he did not fall in love with me.
I know that this site is about losing weight and more importantly getting healthy but for me the emotional side of food is what I struggle with. For the most part my diet is healthy, lean protein, lots of veggies and a healthy amount of fruit. I committed to spending money on the more expensive liquid vitamins because I cannot take the pills. I limit my white carbs and try to eat whole grains. Then, I get sad and bake. When I am happy and bake, no problem with over eating it, most goes into the freezer to be eaten in small portions. But when I am sad the baked goods get eaten and my portion sizes of the healthy foods go up too high.
My mind knows that this will not make me feel better but my emotions do not care. The temporary feel good of food overrides the common sense. Today, I am struggling to not overeat. I already caved in and had sugar in my morning tea and jelly on my whole grain toast. I am going to get out the yoga dvd and hope that settles me down enough to work. I would rather take a walk but we have three inches of new snow and it is still snowing.
Thanks to all who read and comment, we all know that we are not alone in our struggles even when it feels like it. Having someplace to get it out to others that understand really makes a difference.