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I've Been in Denial

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Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Today is day 32 of my streak!

I am co-leader of a great team called Rootin' for Ruby. Today, one of the other leaders of the team (Healthyhappydeb) posted a discussion topic and she asked, "Do you think you could be in denial regarding any aspect of your issues with weight?"

My first instinct was to answer that question "no." But something made me pause. I took a moment to think that question over....and I realized that the answer was actually "yes." I have been in denial.

For weeks now....actually, MONTHS....I have been saying that I am at a plateau, and that I don't know why. But today, I really was honest with myself. No more denial. I know why I'm at a plateau. I haven't wanted to face it or admit it to myself. But I have been sabotaging myself.

Although I know how important it is to weigh and measure my food, I have not really been doing that with any regularity. Oh, I break out the food scale or the measuring cups & spoons every once in a while, but most of the time I just make "guess-timates." And I lie to myself. I say "Oh, that looks like a tablespoon of peanut butter", but in reality it is more like two tablespoons, or maybe even three. Or I say "That looks like a one cup serving" but deep down inside I know its a bit more.

I have lied to myself by saying "a little bit more won't matter in the long run." And that might be true, if the "little bit more" was just every once in a while. But its not. Its an every day occurrence. A little too much for breakfast...a little too much for lunch....a little too much for dinner. And it all adds up to a LOT too much.

Another way I have been sabotaging myself is that I have become lazy with tracking my food. I have been in denial about that, telling myself that I don't need to track my food, because I know how much I'm eating.

And the sad thing is, I know better. I KNOW I need to measure and weigh my food. I KNOW I need to track my meals. I exercise every day, but exercise is not a free pass to over eat. Sure, the food I eat is healthy food. I have eliminated junk food from my daily diet. But even eating healthy food can make you gain weight (or put you at a plateau) if you eat too much.

Its time for me to stop living in denial. I know what I want; I want to keep losing weight, I want to be healthy, I want to be fit and strong. And I know what I need to do in order to make it happen; I need to measure my portions, I need to track my food, and I need to stop lying to myself about how much I am eating.

I have lost 71 lbs since last March, so I'm a long way from where I started, but I still have a long way to go to get to where I want to be. And I will never get there if I don't start getting my nutrition in line. Starting today, I am going to do the things I know I need to do to get over this plateau.

Starting today, I will remember what my ultimate goal was when I started this journey last March, and that was to be as HEALTHY as I possibly can be.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    well sis i have seen how much farther you have come each and every year since we met, and by gosh i think you are just about there, this is about the hardest i have ever seen you work, and you have been so committed and also very supporting to so many others, do not beat yourself up up, you are getting there and it does take time to get there you have come so far
    1849 days ago
    I just put together a blog and posted about my needing help for foods knowledge and calorie counting and tracking. I am just wondering how people learn about foods and their calorie, and succeeding to track foods. Any good advice? Thank you.

    emoticon emoticon
    1849 days ago
    Good job getting real with yourself, and for not making excuses. You've addressed your reality, and now you have a game plan for moving forward. You're doing great!
    1849 days ago
    GREAT blog. emoticon
    1849 days ago
    You are quite brave to have so publicly examined your current situation. I think you have done great and will do so again! emoticon

    Thanks for sharing!!
    1849 days ago
    Way to be honest with yourself if no one else. I know you know what to do now go forth and do it girl! You know I wish you well; we are in this together.

    emoticon emoticon
    1849 days ago
    Pixie, Pixie, Pixie! No really , you know what you need to do and how to do it! I have faith in you!
    1849 days ago
    We all live in denial of some sort from time to time. The key is the recognition and resolve to change what we can within ourselves. You are doing fantastic!!! emoticon emoticon
    1849 days ago
    1849 days ago
    You're doing great!
    1849 days ago
    Great Blog. emoticon emoticon
    1849 days ago
    Boy! Did I ever need to see someone put this in print. Thank you so much! emoticon

    It has spurred me to get back on track. Especially, since I just finished the January Challenge.

    1850 days ago
    Boy did this ever hit home! Wish I would have read it before my small, but still extra slice of dessert. Thank you for once again writing what I needed to read. emoticon
    1850 days ago
    You stated what I have not been admitting about myself. emoticon
    1850 days ago
    Congratulations Pixie for coming to terms with this. You know, I have done the same thing (well, lately I've also been binging, but I mean when I was trying to lose and streaking well, but plateauing). I've noticed at times that I'm not losing and then I see all the ways I'm overeating behind my own back. It's great that you are recommitting to tracking and measuring. I'm sure that will make all the difference!!
    1850 days ago
    Thanks for your honesty. It's a reminder to me the importance of wring everything down, measuring & weighing our food. I'm reviewing my progress for January, & I'm guilty so I plan to amend my ways.
    1850 days ago
    I needed to read this! Ive been in denial too!
    1850 days ago
    I have been doing the same thing, if not worse.
    So good with some, but those little bits, sure do add up. Or it is only one, or it it is less than I used to get(but still not good enough)
    Yes. I am sick of it. What the heck and am I doing?
    Working my butt off to just eat wrong?

    Phooey on that. I need a good emoticon in the rear!

    Thanks for bringing it to my attention. emoticon
    1850 days ago
  • ARW715
    Thanks for writing this and being honest about what is happening in your life. Living life honestly is hard.
    1850 days ago
    I think you were to hard on yoursel in your blog. You have done a emoticon job in losing 71 lbs. and I know emoticon !!! emoticon emoticon
    1850 days ago
    Thank you for being so honest. Honestly is the best policy. It is so easy to go into denial thinking a little more of this or that won't hurt, but we have to be strict in the plain road in order to reach our worthy goals, which of course you very aptly indicated. So proud of you and I know you can do it. In fact we can all do it together on this team.

    I allowed myself a bowl of vegetable beef soup that of course had salt in it, yesterday, and I made the excuse oh that won't hurt. I knew better and just denied it and this morning when I got up I had gained two ounces from yesterday morning. I just cannot have anything with salt in it because when I do I retain fluid. I didn't eat any refined foods and was careful about my calories but the salt was what did it, I know.

    This morning I vowed to return to being strict in the plain road for me and I will begin my streak once again with no salt. Day 1 today!
    1850 days ago
    1850 days ago
    Right on! Thanks for reminding me.
    1850 days ago
    Great blog. You represent so many of us as we struggle to figure this all out. Thanks for the insight. Congrats on the weight loss. I look forward to your posts as they always make so much sense.
    1850 days ago
    OMG OMG OMG I could have written that entire blog other than the exercise - getting there but still not much nor much intensity. BUT the food OMG and I am not even eating healthy really, we dont do a lot of processed but still too much stuff that isn't the best.
    I love your paragraph
    "Its time for me to stop living in denial. I know what I want; I want to keep losing weight, I want to be healthy, I want to be fit and strong. And I know what I need to do in order to make it happen; I need to measure my portions, I need to track my food, and I need to stop lying to myself about how much I am eating. "

    Thanks yet again and again for the blogs that hit home... I have to start really listening and not just reading them.

    1850 days ago
    I do the same thing with guessing my food and I know I get more then what I did if I was actually weighing and measuring..I remember my weight watcher leader always say always count your BLT's (Bites,LicksTaste) cause they add up..so I am guilty of this too..but the good thing is we change this Pixie and emoticon emoticon
    1850 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/29/2013 4:19:30 PM
  • CHERYLA2012
    Pixie - kudos to deciding to get out of your own way and continue on your journey!

    I'm losing weight by caloric reduction so if I want the weight to come off I have to eat less. When I achieve my goal - I will transition to maintenance and re-educate myself to be able to eat more calorically but still portion control my nutrition because my eyes are bigger than my stomach and also to track at least 64 ounces of water so that I'm properly hydrated for the rest of my life.

    I thought I would have a problem with the potential of always having to portion control but I don't. How else will I know how much I've taken?

    My life is like a recipe and I've got to measure all the ingredients I'm adding to it so it all balances out.

    My Mom, the lifetime WW member who's been in maintenance for over 25 years still portions her food.

    Even my husband who doesn't need to portion his food - does so.

    You can do it - no beating yourself over the past - because you're not looking that way - you're eyes are focused on the future.

    And your fellow SparkFriends are walking right alongside you!

    1850 days ago
  • MAGA99
    emoticon emoticon
    1850 days ago
  • MARYBETH4884
    Well you have got the exercise in a rhythm, just pull out the food scale, measuring cups and spoons and get that into a rhythm. You've done the hard part by being honest with yourself the rest is a little math,a little computer time and a lot of will power! But you have come this far ,go for it! You've got this!! emoticon emoticon
    1850 days ago
    Honesty is the best policy! I have been there and done that!
    1850 days ago
  • DALID414
    Thanks for your honesty.
    1850 days ago
    Been there, done that too. emoticon emoticon
    1850 days ago
    Thanks for the reminder that there are no shortcuts in this journey to a better, healthier life!!
    1850 days ago
  • JOYFUL452003
    Thank you for this blog! I am guilty as well of many of the same things and I too, know better. You have done an awesome job getting to the point you are at and I have no doubt that starting today that plateau is broken and you are continuing on to your goal. You can do this Pixie, you have everything it takes and you WILL do this! emoticon emoticon

    Hugs, Muriel
    1850 days ago
    You know what to do. Now do it! But don't beat yourself up when you can't. 71 lbs is an unbeleivable feat. And you are awesome for not basking in the glory of that. I know that you can reach your goals!
    1850 days ago
    I think you must have been inside my head. I need to go one step farther and share this with my husband. He is the cook 80% of the time. He will support me..but he can't if I don't ask or tell him to. emoticon
    1850 days ago
    tracking definetely helped me when i lost my weight and i think that is a big part of me gaining the weight back...along with bad choices and not exercising...made me more accountable and i definetely need to get back to this.... emoticon emoticon
    1850 days ago
    You are so right! The measuring portions is the only way to go for me. The tricks that I can play with my mind if I don't lead to nothing but heartache. Fantastic illustrations, as always. Denial is such a cozy place, we all have to work hard to avoid it.
    1850 days ago
    I really need to weigh out items. I haven't done that yet.
    D emoticon Thank you bringing the fact I am Sabotaging my hard work.
    1850 days ago
    Back to basics and attention to detail. It is a good message for us all. Thanks!

    1850 days ago
  • AME4IT
    emoticon very thought-provoking emoticon
    1850 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Something to make you say hmmm! Thank girl for keeping it real! emoticon
    1850 days ago
    Another great blog! Hit home with me! emoticon
    1850 days ago
  • KITT52
    Pixie you are so right....

    time to get real ....it will be worth it....

    I'm here for you dear friend
    1850 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1850 days ago
    emoticon ....made me think,,,,,,
    1850 days ago
  • _BABE_
    Whether it is by accident or just getting a bit lax with your estimates, sometimes we need to brush up on what our portion sizes should be...and if you are at a plateau...changing up something is the answer.
    1850 days ago
  • ADELE66
    It's actually quite cathartic don't you think? To recognise an undesirable behaviour, really acknowledge it... and then formulate the plan for correcting it. This is not about judgement or guilt or failure, it's merely the recognition of our own human-ness.

    You may have been in denial about something all this time... but the most important thing was that you didn't give up, stop, disappear or fall apart! It's the fits and starts, ups and downs, lapses in judgement and occasional bouts of denial that are really teaching us how to change our lifestyles. You just learned something new about yourself, and knowledge is power!

    Keep on truckin' girly!!

    1850 days ago
    So true! I can't be bothered to input all that I eat into the tracker. I have started regulating some of my portion sizes - like a half-cup of rice, and quarter cup of dried fruit etc. This is helping me to re-educate myself about how much is enough!
    Realising that you're over-eating is a great place to be - because now you know what you have to do!
    1850 days ago
  • COOKIE_AT_51
    emoticon Rock on my Pixie girl !

    Hey btw, YOU are one of the people who kept encouraging me ... even if I was only "spinning the wheel" (see the blog I posted today). emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon for NOT giving up on me!

    1850 days ago
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