Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Chubby. That's how it started. I was a baby with "chubby little legs." As I got older, it was "baby fat." Then it was just plain fat.
My weight went up and down all through my teenage and adult years. I'm 42 now as I write this, and I'm the heaviest I've ever been. Getting close to that 300 mark. That is terrifying. Once upon a time, I thought if I ever got up to 200 pounds, that would be the worst that could possibly happen. Today, I'd jump up and down with joy if I was only 200 pounds.
So there have been plenty of times that I've tried to lose weight. I never stick with it. I'm great when I start -- motivated, excited. Then over time, my interest dwindles and I think, just one cheeseburger. Just one coke. Just one Chick-Fil-A run. Before I know it, I'm eating 3,000 calories a day and not giving a damn again. So what's different this time?
I don't know. Maybe nothing. Today, I feel great. I feel excited. I feel ready for a change. Will I feel that way next week? next month? next year? I have no idea. I hope so. What I'm trying to learn is that even if I'm not motivated every day, that doesn't mean it's all over. Small goals. Small triumphs. It's OK to indulge sometimes.
I don't want to be the Fat Mom. I don't want my kids to be embarrassed when the other kids are making fun of their fat mom.
I want to be healthy. I want to set a good example for my kids. I want to feel energetic. I want to be able to find cute clothes that fit. I want to be here to watch my kids graduate from college, get married, and have babies of their own. I want to be pleasantly surprised when I catch myself in the mirror, instead of thinking "Who is that heavy woman? Oh God, it's me."
I have PCOS, and I know from experience that my PCOS symptoms disappear when I do a low carb eating plan. I've heard good things about Spark so I hope that for once, I can stick with it.
Why now? Why not? It's time.